Friday, June 6, 2014

On Days Where There Really Does Seem to be a Plan

One week ago today, my sister didn't know where her next paycheck was coming from.  She didn't know if she was going to have to move out of the community that she has become a part of and away from the kids who have become a part of her life. If she did have to move, she didn't know where it would be.  There were no fun summer plans for her as a teacher because, no money. Talking to her in the middle of all that was great though.  I don't remember what day we talked, but sometime over the weekend last week. Even when she was frustrated about God taking His own sweet time to reveal a plan for her, she just figured He would show her the way. This is after a year of trusting on a paycheck to paycheck sort of a basis, with some odd job or something always coming up to supplement as needed.

This week, there is a job that opened up at the last minute, and the offer that more or less got made to her ahead of schedule, all allowing her to stay where she is.  So she now has a place to be and job to sustain.  Oh, yeah. And she gets to go to Paris. For free. (More or less.) I just love it.  I love seeing the way that she is willing to roll with whatever comes, and how much things have changed in just a week!

Here's the thing, though.  I don't want to get all prosperity gospel on this and say, "See! God had a plan and it all worked out!" It's as if since she trusted enough, God let her stay in her community, get a job, and as an added reward: free trip to Paris! There's part of me that just doesn't see it that way.  Because if every person who struggles with IF faithfully and gets pregnant or adopts in the end because "it's God's plan", then what about those that are just as faithful, but never have children? If, as a single person, all of this is part of God's plan to bring just the right person in my life at just the right time, then I'm kind of ticked that I had to wait so much longer than everyone else. If God's plan means that everyone eventually gets what they want after whatever is deemed a sufficient amount of struggle, then what about when God says no? Not now, not ever?

The plan I am starting to see is God's plan to be faithful in the midst of it, whatever "it" is.  I think if we are willing to go where He leads, even if it is uncomfortable, He will make that something beautiful to see, both in our lives and the lives of those around us. I want to get married, and even though I would be a little older, I would still love to have kids.  But whether that happens or whether that doesn't, I still want to say, "See, here is God's plan, all along, right in the midst of it."  I don't want to wait until or if I get married before I see His faithfulness that is always there.

Today I had a glimpse of His plan in my life.  Almost exactly 4 years ago (was the 6th moving day? I think it was!),  I moved out to the mountains.  It was not that long ago, and it was a lifetime ago.  Anyway, I realized this today, and I also got an email today that made me think about it again.  The email, addressed to me, referred to me as an athlete.  I wanted to look over my shoulder to see who the heck they were talking to. Especially because it was an athlete that was writing the email, and I felt like surely they could see that I was not an athlete.  It was a fleeting moment, because I am an athlete, I just forgot for a second. Because 4 years ago I was not an athlete, and I could not imagine seeing myself as such.

Four years ago, I didn't know a cam from a carabiner.  I didn't know what a couloir was. I never thought about waiting until the morning of trash day to take the trash out in order to avoid bears and other critters combing through it. I couldn't imagine the need for an SLR camera. I got out of breath going up a flight of stairs. I never, ever saw myself as an athlete.  I have learned and mastered treatment techniques that I had never heard of before moving here. I thought moving to the mountains might be the way I would finally find a husband. I had no idea that it would be a place where I finally found some pieces of myself that are integral to who I am, but that I didn't even know existed.

Let's go back another 4 years before that, when I was just getting out of PT school.  I thought that I needed to move to the mountains (see, clearly the mountains were always a part of the picture). But instead I found myself "back home". I needed to be there at that time. That was the job that trained me to be an actual PT instead of a student. At the time, it was exactly what I needed. That was where I met the most awesome group of friends, bar none. They were some of the first people that I felt completely at home with. I could be myself, and be accepted at a level that we all want to be known, loved and accepted, but not everyone gets to experience. I don't know exactly how to say it, but I needed that before I could come out here and do what I've done here.

I could write similar paragraphs about experiences in grad school, college, and most of all, my family.

I see God's plan in the here and now. In this life that I live and in all of the experiences that make this life what it is. In the ways that He has helped me discover things that I never suspected about myself, and in the ways that I get to be a part of other people's lives. This is God's plan. In the midst of the mess and the suffering (His plan is NOT the mess and the suffering). In the midst of the joy and beautiful surprises. Discovering more deeply who He is, and who we are. Marriage and babies may be a part of that plan someday, but it is not dependent on that. 

Tonight, I go to bed rejoicing in blessings NOT in disguise, in the form beautiful friendships in many areas of my life, hiking and generally being able to spend time in the mountains, a job and trip for my sister and some beautiful pregnancies.  Praying for many more blessing not in disguise for all of you, my friends!

12 comments:

  1. I think it is amazing and admirable that you made the leap of faith to move out to the mountains. I really admire your willingness to branch out and learn new things, for example photography. Lately I've been feeling like I'm watching my life pass week after week, like in a movie, but I'm not active in it. Sometimes I think all of these struggles won't make sense in God's plan until a few years have passed, or in heaven. But you are right there are good things in the moment.

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  2. I've been thinking about this a lot lately too. While my plan for my life wouldn't look like this right now, I am starting to see that life is still really good. God knows what He's doing, whether or not I want to admit it. I just have been feeling that more lately. Thanks for putting my thoughts into words, much better than I even would have. Very happy for you and this outlook. :)

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  3. It's a wise person who can see the blessings given to them when they aren't the ones they were looking for or wanted. I admire your view of what is going on in your life!

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  4. "I don't want to wait until or if I get married before I see His faithfulness that is always there." I love love love this line you said in your post. It is so often we see or recognize His plan for us after something has happened. I do know for my dh and I, not having a child in our lives is His plan right now...I don't know what the future holds...I have to trust in Him for my future. I like you point...it's good to see what is present...His plan for now...and enjoy what He has given to us...in the moment. So true.

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  5. Love this! You are such a gift to me, friend!

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  6. AMEN! What a great post!!!

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  7. What a beautiful post, your joyful outlook today is inspiring!

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  8. This is so awesome, and I echo prayerfuljourney on my favorite line :)

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