Monday, April 29, 2013

Charting as a Single Person

It has been about 6 months and it has been 6 cycles since I started charting.  I thought it would be a good time for a "final" update.  I'm not done charting, so I may mention things as they come up, but as far as specifically writing posts about charting as a single person, this is the last one (at least until or unless something else comes up.)

First of all, since this is about charting as a single woman, there are two things that I believe more and more strongly through this process.  One is that I believe that all women should know how to chart and should spend at least several months doing it.  The other is that single women who are learning to chart need to make sure that they are doing it for the right reasons.  Simply doing it "so that you'll be ready when it's time" may not be the best reason.  If that had been my reason when I started doing this, then I would have been really disappointed after doing this for 6 months and still having no change in my prospects.  Or, if I had met someone in that time, I may have taken it as some sort of sign and put more pressure on that relationship to be the relationship.

I do think that it's an awesome side benefit that if I do meet someone, I will be ready.  I just don't think that's the reason that anyone should take it.  Does that make sense?  The reason that I took it was because I'd heard enough to notice some things that I wanted to keep an eye on, and I wanted to be more conscious of my health.  Those are goals that can be met no matter what.

I think all women should learn to chart and do it long enough to have a general idea of what's going on and what is and is not normal for them.  It really is great to know more about what's going on in my body.  It's great to walk by all of the contraceptive products in a drug store and know that I wouldn't need any of those on a particular day if I was married and trying to avoid pregnancy.  In my case, it's even better to know that I have some signs of low progesterone (short post peak times and longer periods with at least 4 days of TEBB) because if my status does change, I'll want to get some blood draws done to get that confirmed and take care of any appropriate treatment.  Also great? Because of charting, I can make sure those get done at times that they would be accurate.

I don't think that younger teenagers need as much depth with the training, but I think that they should learn about charting, too.  I think it helps us all to have a greater respect for our bodies and learn how to work with them.  It will also make it less intimidating if they decide they want to use NFP when the time is right for them.  Not to mention that I know far too many women who had problems with their periods long before marriage and babies that would benefit from knowing more about what's going on and how to follow up for treatment if needed.

I can also tell you that my mucus cycle seems a little off to me.  The two months that I took echinacea (for unrelated reasons) the cycle looked perfect.  My instructor thought that was interesting and wondered if echinacea decreases inflammation.  I don't know what it does for sure, but if I were trying to conceive, I would be taking it during that part of my cycle!

I am starting to get a little tired of charting, however.  I notice that I am a little lax in my observations sometimes.  I know that I'm getting tired of paying the fee to go up to see the instructor, only to have her repeat the same questions.

Because of all of this, I have a new plan.  The plan is to take a month off from charting.  I do have some things I still want to figure out, but I don't think it's worth it to go through all the work most of the time, but then be lax just often enough that you're losing valuable information.  The echinacea thing is also interesting to me.  If it does somehow decrease inflammation, that makes me wonder about making some dietary changes.  I've already gotten rid of most of the dairy in my life (though I still have some), but I think that I should also try cutting back the grains and eating a LOT more fruits and vegetables.  I have been eating a lot more meat in the last couple of months and that seems to be going really well.  Do you see where this is going?  I think I'll try some paleo for a couple of months.  I'm a little uncertain about some of the things about the paleo diet, and therefore am not sure that I want to stay on it for too long.  However, I really have been questioning what the grains are doing to me, and I know I feel better if I stay away from dairy and when I do eat a lot of fruits and vegetables.

Seeing as how I barely plan meals normally, I'm going to try to go through the eMeals.  They're not too expensive, and the fact that the meals are already planned and the grocery list is already written means that my chances go up from slim and none to at least 50%.  I figure that it will take me a few weeks to get rid of some of the non-paleo friendly stuff I already have and don't intend to throw out and hopefully find a workable routine for getting my own meals made instead of my current plan, which involves frozen dinners and a microwave.  Which means that I should hopefully be about switched over in time to chart again right after this upcoming cycle and I should be motivated because I'll want to see if there are any noticeable changes.  I do plan to follow up again with the FCP, but it might be another 6 months or so.

There you have it, more than you ever wanted to know about me and my plans for charting.  It's a little awkward, but the benefits of it are worth it, so I'm happy to share if it lets someone else be more aware of the ways that charting may help them.

Friday, April 26, 2013

7 Quick Takes Friday

7 quick takes sm1 7 Quick Takes Friday (vol. 193)

1) Quick Takes is about deep thoughts and profound words about important topics, right?  Wait, it's not? Perfect.  Because the only thing that I can come up with off the top of my head is that it's YOUR fault.  YOU all sucked me in.  I started Downton Abbey, and liked it okay, but I didn't love it like the rest of the world. Only... now I think I'm starting to get sucked in.  I was out climbing the other day and the theme music kept going in my head.  The music that fits with drawing rooms and dressing for dinner doesn't quite match up with rock climbing.

2) Oh, geez.  What next? I'm still watching it right now.  There is almost too much drama for me! The characters are great, the settings are amazing, but the holy cow, the drama! I know that's part of what keeps me watching, but sometimes it's too much! I'm also behind with "Mr. Selfridge" and now I want to start "Call the Midwife." What is it with PBS and BBC?

3) If I ever do run out of things to watch, I can always throw in the long version of Pride and Prejudice.  I have a sudden strange desire to watch it again.  I blame BBC.  Again.

4) I wouldn't be doing QT's and watching Downton at the same time, except that I'm crunched for time. (Also, I need a distraction when the drama gets to be too much for me.)  I'm busy because I'm taking a wilderness first aid class right now.  It's good and helpful, but I don't like 3 hour lectures.  It makes me tired.  And bored.  And keeps me out past my bedtime. But it's really good information.

5) Like most people, I have been frustrated with some of the winter weather throughout April.  I am happy that some of the mountains are getting significant amounts; anything that will help slow down the fires and keep the west from burning again like it did last year would be fantastic. (But what is up with people messing with avalanche territory?  Heavy, new, wet, spring snow on crappy, old winter snow is asking for disaster.)

6) Speaking of fires, I see them differently now.  Living in the flat lands, I didn't think of them too much.  However, when I was out climbing the other day, my friend and I looked out at the clouds at a distance and some of the rain that was starting to fall.   Then we noticed another cloud that was rising. And we heard the sirens. On the one hand, I wasn't too concerned.  It was in town, and I knew that the terrain would be easy and there would be plenty of access (things I never used to think about at all).  On the other hand, spending a summer surrounded by fires all throughout the West, those sirens put me on alert in a way that they didn't used to.  I don't even care if the rain keeps me from climbing.  Let it rain!  Or even snow!  (Although, I still prefer my moisture on days that I can't climb anyway.  If I could choose. Which I can't.)

7) Speaking of snow, my "hike" this last weekend actually turned into a snowshoe.  So that was fun. (I'm not being sarcastic. It really was a lot of fun.)

Okay, have a great weekend and head over to Jen's (welcome back, Jen!) for more QT's.  My weekend will consist of trying to pass a first aid test (written and practical) without studying, trying not to need my newfound skilz as we take to the rock after the class (because it's supposed to be AMAZING this weekend, and I have to get out to play at least a little), and patting myself on the back for finishing Friday QT's in time to actually publish it on, well, Friday.

P.S. I mentioned last week that I have a new outfit that I can't wait to wear and that it would be appropriate for WIWS.  It may be warm enough to wear it this weekend, but don't hold your breath for pictures. I'm lazy, and the post would require finding a spot for the camera and doing the whole timer number and taking probably a lot of photos, and then I'd still have to crop out my head (because of this being an "anonymous" blog if there is such a thing).  And that's just creepy.  Who wants a headless outfit? (That's a rhetorical question!)

Saturday, April 20, 2013

7 Quick Takes

7 quick takes sm1 7 Quick Takes Friday (vol. 193)
1) I wish there were the right words to say, the right feelings to feel, the right things to do to make things better.  But there are not.  And so I will pray, and I will do my best to love those in my life to the fullest of my ability and to live my life to the greatest extent that I can.

2) With that in mind, I went for a hike today with a friend.  We couldn't find the beginning of the "trail" we wanted (because it was supposed to have a good view).  So we had to go to a different trail for that particular peak, which was in the trees. Then when we got our packs out, I found that my water had leaked all over my pack.  And I took my inhaler, but still found myself struggling on a gentle slope (the whole thing was pretty flat).

And... The hike was almost perfect.  I needed to be outside in the mountains, and none of the rest mattered.  The first "trail" would have been a lot of tiring bushwhacking, and the second was along a 4WD road that at least gave us a trail.  I don't know what was up with having a hard time with hiking, but eventually it got a little better and I was able to even do part of the work for breaking the trail with snowshoes.  The trees opened up at several points to allow us some views.  At one point, there was one of those perfect moments that I wanted to soak up forever.  The sun was shining on us, we could see blue sky in some places, puffy clouds in others, dark storm clouds rolling in the snow in yet another place, and we could see snow covered peaks in the distance.  I don't even know the best way to describe it.  It was just one of those moments that felt perfect.

3) I also got a chance to talk with my friend on the way back about God and religion and stuff.  I barely know where it started, but I carried on long enough to surprise my friend with my enthusiasm for the subject and my ability to go on and on about it (you, my friends, have been reading here for too long; no way would you have found it surprising). It was interesting.  This person is at a crossroads and could use some prayers.  There does seem to be a hunger there, but it needs some stirring up.  However, it could lead to some difficult personal issues if they pursue it a little more due to people in their life that are very anti-religion and apathetic toward God. Normally, when getting in these discussions, I find myself listening for and quickly hearing the cue that it's time to be quiet now.  This time I just kept talking.  And have no idea why I took the topics I did.  A couple of times I almost stopped but almost felt like I should keep going.  Yikes!  Hope God had a plan with all of that and it wasn't just me running my mouth!

4) I know a lot of you either participate in or are familiar with the What I Wore Sunday series.  I have not participated ever for several reasons, but the primary one is that I don't have any outfits that I feel would be particularly exciting to share.  Until now.  And one of the reasons that I have this one is because seeing all of your various outfits gave me a couple of ideas the last time that I was out shopping.  Only... I won't actually share it because I won't be wearing it this weekend.  It's a spring/summer outfit and it's apparently still winter here.  Thank goodness, since we need whatever moisture wants to come!  I can't for Spring, but I also remember how stinking hot it was this time last year, and how horribly hot it was all summer; I am so okay if things are cooler throughout the summer this year!

5) I feel like I have been learning a lot in my professional life right now.  So. Much. Stuff.  One of the things that is the most interesting is the interplay of the mind and the body.  Now, most of us know that there are significant connections, but I am talking about learning about the specific mechanisms of how some of that works. I'm hoping that it will help me with my chronic pain patients as I figure it out better.  Did you know that a lot of people with chronic pain also have problems with IBS, anxiety, insomnia, depression, etc. along with multiple sites of pain?  I knew it, but didn't know what to do about it.  But that's another piece of all of this along with how various life traumas play a role in chronic pain (trauma being defined as a negative life event that happens, particularly when we are helpless to do anything about it; it can be anything from job loss and financial instability, to divorce, to injuries/accidents, to losses of loved ones and many other things). Reading this particular take, you are probably finding a simple cure for insomnia right now!  I'll let you know if I figure out other (less boring) answers.

6) Hmm, I'm getting tired.

7) So I guess I'll go to bed.  Head over to Grace's for way more QT's!

Thursday, April 18, 2013

The Script

I have never acted, directed, or really had anything to do with any sort of play or movie or commercial or anything that required a script.  Really not in my comfort zone.  But that doesn't mean that I am not intimately familiar with one particular script.  I speak of the one in my head with regards to my life. It is not completely fleshed out, but the outlines are certainly there.  I do not claim that my script is original or unusual or perfect.  In fact, I would claim the opposite, that it is the same as many others.  It may be very vanilla in many ways, but I thought it was quite nice for my life.

You know the script well. It involves going to school, graduating, getting a job, falling in love, getting married, buying a house, having kids, raising said kids, then enjoying the grandkids. Generally in about that order, though obviously some of those things are juxtaposed. Most of us have some variation of this script, though it does vary for some people.  Regardless of what the script is, most of us have one.

These scripts are not minute by minute or word by word for the majority of us (though for some very special Type A's, maybe they are!)  They are more outlines in broad strokes with plenty of room for improvisation.  I thought I was pretty flexible with the timeline for some of these things happening.  I wanted them at a certain time, of course, but I was able to re-write the script as needed and find that it still fit my needs for the most part.

At least, that was the case until the last couple of years.  In order for my life to fit with the rest of the script that I had written, certain things sort of had to happen by now.  Now instead of minor revisions, the whole thing requires an overhaul.  Many of the things that I wanted cannot be.

This is not to say that I can never get married, have kids, or own a home.  But part of the script called for these things happening sooner.  I was convinced that I wanted to be a younger parent and the parent of many.  The first is no longer possible, and the second is less likely.  I wanted to introduce my husband to all my grandparents.  I could still introduce him to my mom's parents, but I will never see the love and pride in my grandma's eyes over my children the way I saw it for my cousins' children. One of the worst parts of it all?  Sometimes it's hard to make new connections or keep connections with those whose lives followed the script more closely.  We are on different pages.  I want to be on their page, but no amount of wishing makes it so.  I try to understand, but I can only imagine.  Some of them try to understand where I am, too, but not all try or even seem to care.

I can't tell you how much agony and how many tears have gone into the script and all the mental rewrites.  Imagine the paper, written on, scratched off, crumpled, stained and slaved over.  I kept trying to get it right; kept working on turning out a product that looked half as wonderful as all those around me.  I thought surrendering meant re-writing it until it finally fit God's plan, even if it didn't perfectly match my own original plan.

I find that surrendering means something different.  The script cannot be my measurement for how my life is going.  I can't use it to determine whether my life is going as it should or is leading in the right direction.  I can't use it to plan what will someday be.  I can't use it as the structure and framework for my dreams. In fact, I can't use the script at all.  I have to toss it out completely.

What an easy thing to say, and what a hard thing to do.  It is a script with a plan that has been held so closely for so long, that it doesn't shake loose from my soul by simply deciding it must go.  It has to be purged bit by bit.

I have been having those pangs recently; like seeing the picture of my friend's 7 year old, and realizing that if my script had gone "the right way", I would likely have a 5 year old and maybe two or three younger ones as well.  Or when I read those hilarious mommy blogs and wish I could join in the discussion with the funny things my kids said or did.  Or when I hear of pregnancy experiences or birth stories and wish that I could join in with all the knowing in my voice of women everywhere through all generations.

On the other hand, I have also begun to notice the freedom of life without the script, and it is a beautiful thing.  It's okay to be happy with my cozy little rental home that fits the current needs of my life.  I don't need to own a home, because there's no script to say that I'm late in getting one.  I do not need a husband by a certain time in order for x, y, and z to happen on time, because there is no time frame.  Some of those things may happen, some may not.  But there is no pressure that they have to happen a certain way because there is no script, only this moment; only today.  And suddenly instead of a script of what my life should be, there is the story of who I am.  It is a story that gets richer whatever comes along, so it doesn't particularly matter what happens when.

Thank you to all of you to all of you who are a part of my life and my story.  I love that you are in these moments with me, whatever they are and wherever they're going next!

Sunday, April 14, 2013

The Plan

I admit it.  I have always been one of those people that has wanted to know "The Plan".  Yeah, yeah. God's thoughts are bigger our thoughts and His ways are different than ours.  I know.  Sometimes I didn't figure I needed to know the whys so much, but I sure as heck did want to know the what.  At least give me a clue of where this is taking us!  (You like that past tense as if I never struggle with or question that anymore? Sometimes I like to pretend that I now have it all together, even though I think we all know better.)

But you know what I mean.  I'll tell God that I can accept being single or be happy to be married, but could He please get to letting me know what it's going to be so I can get busy accepting it?  I see couples struggling with subfertility and having to deal with the waiting, hoping and trying with no guarantees.  The yes or no would be easier.

But there's another part of the whole idea that I've tried to figure out about "God's plan" and I'm still not sure that I have a good grasp on it. When someone dies, like a child or a young mother or father of several children (or anyone else), or when someone is in dire suffering, when cancer strikes, when unknown medical diseases hit, when a natural disaster tears through and area and destroys homes and kills people, when any other such thing happens, how does that fit in with God's plan?

I think I've mentioned my dilemma before.  On the one hand, how can God cause such a thing to be?  On the other hand, if God is not the cause of it, and if it is not a part of His plan, then how in the heck do we get through it?

I don't have all the answers (and never will, because God's ways are WAY above my head), but these questions have been rolling around in my head with all of the tragedies that seem to be going around in the last few months.  In one case in particular, I cannot see how God could have caused such a thing, and yet I see His grace all through how it could have been worse, and how good is coming out of something unthinkably bad.  And these thoughts were rolling around in my head around Easter, and I think it started to make a little sense.  Like most things in life, if it doesn't make sense, go hang out at the foot of the cross for a while.  It may not all become clear, but at least it reminds us where God is in the midst of it all.

Okay, so here's my thought.  The crucifixion was awful.  And yet in some way it was the will of God.  After all, Christ prayed for it to pass Him by, but for God's will to be done.  And the crucifixion happened.  But it can't be entirely God's will, because there is no way that God would want or cause people to sin by killing anyone, and especially not His Son.  There is no way that it could have been God's will for Adam to sin and separate himself from God, and yet we refer to the "happy fault of Adam that gained us so great a Savior."  What I think is that it's not God's will or His plan for sin or the wages of sin (death, destruction, illness, pain, etc) to happen, but since they will happen regardless, it is His plan to be smack in the middle of all of it, redeeming it.

As I have said, I do not think that God takes loved ones from us, I believe that He receives them.  But I think He does so much more than that.  I believe that in receiving them, He also sends abundant graces to draw us closer to Him, to them, and to each other in the midst of our pain and our questions and the inevitable darkness that surrounds all of it. We did our worst when we killed God on the cross, but He not only forgives us, He uses that very moment to save us.  And while I do not think that God wills sin and tragedy in our lives, but when they inevitably come, I think He uses those moments above all others to save us and those around us.

I think my questions come because when I see horrible things, and when there is such a sense of God's presence even in the midst of those, I wonder why He caused them.  But I think I am getting confused. Sin and the wages of sin cause those things, but God's plan is the redemption and the grace in the midst of it all.  And as to the part where we have to suffer first, He is right there with us, suffering first, and suffering with us, and causing even that very suffering to eventually become one of our greatest joys.

"In this you rejoice, though now for a little while you may have to suffer various trials, so that the genuineness of your faith, more precious than gold which though perishable is tested by fire, may redound to praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ. Without having seen him, you love him; though you do not now see him, you believe in him and rejoice with unutterable and exalted joy. As the outcome of your faith you obtain the salvation of your souls." (1 Peter 1:6-9)

Thursday, April 11, 2013

7 Quick Takes Friday

7 quick takes sm1 7 Quick Takes Friday (vol. 193)

1) Thanks so much for all the prayers for the baptism.  It went well; I think it really helped to go to my normal Mass.  Some of the conversation got a little tough toward the end of the time, but luckily I had been there long enough to be able to leave at that point.  The rest was great, though, and it was really good to catch up with my friends and be there for an important moment like that.  It helps to know that I'm not alone and that other people understand what it's like at those kinds of events!

2) Well, I have been told over and over that I need to watch Downton Abbey.  I finally started.  And... I don't know.  Everything I heard about it made me think that I would be completely enthralled with it, but I'm not.  I like it, and I intend to watch more of it, but so far I don't quite have the fever.  I just finished the first season and I got really annoyed with all of the horrible situations that came about because people were being horrible to each other.  See, I know that's drama and it's what's supposed to pull me in, but it turns me off to some degree.  I think I was starting to get pulled in a little more toward the end as the characters got more familiar, but the other seasons are on DVD, so I guess I'll have to wait and see. I've heard several people say that it gets better after the first season, so that's what I'm hoping for.  I don't want to be the only one on the planet that merely likes the show okay!

3) I did hear that Masterpiece Classic has another show that just started here and did well over in Britain, called "Mr. Selfridge".  I decided that instead of getting so far behind like with Downton, I'd start this one sooner (it has Jeremy Piven in it, and I like his work- what I've seen of it; I generally avoid the rated R stuff that he seems to have so much of).  This way I can see what I think of it before there's hype about it everywhere.  And there may not be hype everywhere.  I don't know. Because it's new.  It's kind of nice to be watching something when it's new and unknown, as opposed to Downton or even LOST (which I didn't start watching until it was in something like the 4th or 5th season) which I finally watched because I got worn down by all the hype.

4) We got on the rock last week!  I'm so excited that it's the season to be on rock again.  We had to go to the gym this week due to weather, but it's much less fun right now compared to rock.

5) I made the mistake of staying up late reading a book Sunday night.  Yeah, that's right.  The night before Monday when I had to be up to go to work.  It is amazing how I cannot seem to catch up on sleep! As much as I would love to be married and have kids, I'm not going to lie; I do like being able to sleep. I do not consider myself lucky to be able to sleep through the night.  I consider those of you with children lucky to have children to get up with and make yourself zombies for.  Nonetheless, it is a dark cloud with no silver lining, and this silver lining has a comfy pillow to drift away on.

6) Hmm, I'm out of practice and not sure what to say.  Not only that, but all this talk about sleep reminds me that I wanted to get to bed early.  So let's skip to...

7) A picture.  But not a new one, because I don't have very many new ones right now.  Let's try an old one.  Like this:

Okay, now I'm ready to go back!
For more Quick Takes, head over to Grace's, as Jen is understandably taking a break.  Continuing to pray for the whole Fulweiler clan that has a rough go of it these last few months! Have a great weekend!

Friday, April 5, 2013

I'm Still So Clueless Sometimes...

I think I am coming down with something.  Not fatal, but extremely annoying, as many of the run-of-the-mill illnesses are that are currently going around.  It took me a little while to recognize the symptoms, but I think I now have it accurately diagnosed.  Not to worry, it is not contagious.  Stupid PMS.

I was unreasonably annoyed about meeting up with the FCP this week.  She's clear across town, and I get to pay $40 for a follow up so that she can ask me the same annoying and repetitive questions.  Which is not fair of me to be annoyed with her, because she is doing an awesome job, and I have truly been getting a lot out of learning about this.  I finally realized on the way there that it's not her, it's me.  And the PMS.  Ironically, I didn't really clue in to the PMS part of it until today.  You know, even though we were talking about charting, and PMS symptoms, and looking at my chart that pointed to the fact that it should be soon.  But, see, usually my PMS starts with one particular symptom, and that wasn't there, so I didn't pick up on the increased emotions and irritability.  (Also because I can be a little too irritable anyway sometimes, so it's a little harder to separate my normal irritation from that slightly higher notch of things annoying me.)

I was trying to figure out why this week seemed particularly painful about being single and the whole deal.  It's partly because I got to go visit a good friend last week, and it was awesome, and I got to see her kids, who are awesome, and it brings up the fact that I do not know if that will ever be for me.  And also the PMS.  (Although it was a little early at the time, but I can and do TOTALLY blame it for some of the lingering effects of thinking about all of that.)

I get to go to the baptism of another friend's little guy this weekend.  Which I really want to do, and am so excited that I get to live close enough to go.  But the thing is... It won't be easy.  (Friend, if you happen to read this particular post, know that it's totally worth it and I wouldn't want to miss it for anything!) See, this friend and her sister (who will also be there with her family) have been friends of mine for over 20 years.  We (that also includes my brother) went through all sorts of things together, like high school, driver's ed, college, etc.  Not exactly at the same time, but close enough together to compare a lot of notes.  And all of us were single longer than we wanted to be and we went through that together. But then my brother and both of these friends met someone and got married.  More years went by, and now both my friends have multiple babies.  My brother and his wife are struggling with subfertility and miscarriage, and I can't even get close to finding someone.  My friends' parents will be there enjoying their grandkids, and I'll be wondering why the heck my parents aren't even allowed one grandchild here on earth, despite having 4 of us being of the appropriate age for marriage and family and all of us wanting just that. (If I get overdramatic, I blame the PMS.  What's the point of having PMS if you can't blame it for E.V.E.R.Y.T.H.I.N.G.?)

Anyway, I wouldn't change one little thing for my friends, and I know it ain't all roses and kittens in their lives either.  I think that on that day, I will likely be too busy enjoying these longtime friends to even be thinking these thoughts, but many of you know how these thoughts and feelings go, and there is no telling what direction they will run... It could be anywhere from completely neutral and being truly fine, to smiling outside and dying inside.  I do think I will skip the Mass.  For me, that is always where the feelings go all amuck. I can't keep my eyes away from my friends being parents or my thoughts away from all that I ever wished for and may never have. Luckily, the baptism is between Masses, so I can go to a different Mass and then the baptism, and then go over afterwards where there is talking and interaction instead of time alone with me in my head when I should be praying.

Whew!  My apologies for the depressing-ness going on here.  It usually isn't nearly as bad any more.  Unfortunately, when it is bad, I do post about so it looks worse because all of those times are on here. But it's cheap therapy! And I blame you guys.  If you weren't so doggone supportive and awesome, I'd probably keep a little quieter.

Thank goodness it's the Easter Octave, because I need some chocolate.

Tuesday, April 2, 2013

I would write a post about one of my several ideas about various topics, but I can't.  I've forgotten how. Unless it's Quick Takes, I am pretty sure I don't know how to blog anymore.  But that's okay, because I also don't know how to pray anymore. And, no, I'm not feeling depressed about anything at all.  Easter was actually quite wonderful.  The blogging thing is probably just writer's block.  Though my usual issue is that I want to write but don't have a topic.  I have topics, I just don't know how to write.  I'm sure I'll figure it out.  Maybe Thursday.

I'm a little lost. (Maybe that's obvious?) I picked some things for Lent that required changing my routines.  It was really good for me, and I want to keep some of the new habits.  But I'm not sure how to to fit it to a more moderate, non-Lent time. Also, I had a crazy day at work today, and my brain is fried. And I had to try something new yesterday.  Can we say overstimulated? And I have to have a marketing meeting with my boss tomorrow, which about made me pop a blood vessel.  Why? Because I hate, hate, hate marketing with an unholy passion and the mere word makes me twist up into an uncomfortable ball of, of... I don't know.  Something twist-y and uncomfortable.  I acknowledge the need to do it, and my need to overcome my weakness in this area, but yuck, yuck, yuck.  Sorry, I can't help myself.  My dislike must be expressed in 3's, apparently, because one is not enough and I can't think of other words.

Someday, when I'm less stressed by unholy amounts of paperwork, the stress of doing marketing crap (when I barely have time to do paperwork, and when I have to do stupid stuff that I disagree with and feel makes us look bad- especially when there are marketing things that I do like to do and feel is more my speed, style and strength) and when I'm not trying to figure out the autonomic nervous system (long story), and when I can, you know, think; on that day I will try to write a real post about real things.

Also, I have to be careful, or my curbing of the sweets will be right out the door in a hurry.  Someone gave me a sea salt and almond dark chocolate bar.  Because I was stressed today, I ate it.  All of it.  I didn't bother to see how many servings were supposed to be in it.  I'd like to think two, but I'm guessing at least 3.  But it was absolutely divine.

What am I even talking about? Sorry.  No idea what that had to do with anything.  Other than it was such good chocolate that I had to tell you about it.

 Anyway, for something that is not all whiny and complain-y, and something to make this weird and fragmented post worth the time that it took you to read it, I found a must-read article thanks to Susie (thanks for the link!)  I've been thinking of all the women I know that have lost a child to miscarriage and stillbirth.  These lives are so precious and have meant so much to their parents and those of us fortunate to have some small share in their lives.  This article is about a baby that may be a real instrument of healing to this family.  It's a truly beautiful story.  And, being familiar with the particular paper that it appeared in, I was shocked (in a good way) at how well the faith-based aspects of the story were presented.

The life of Ezra