Saturday, January 5, 2013

Oops! I Did It Again...

As you can see by the song title, I am getting old. Okay, older than I was.  (By a strange coincidence, it seems like everyone I know goes through the same thing!  Who would have thought?)

Okay, but what I did was that I got on good old Bookface.  Now, I have been quite happy on there recently, because I just stopped the news feeds on those old acquaintances that I never talk to anymore and whose child after child remind me of how far I am falling behind. This time, the problem was that I decided that I wanted to actually put some of these people on the acquaintances list so I could have greater privacy on a few posts by restricting who could see them.

It sucks when you see a 4 or 5 year old and remember when their birth announcement was a blow.

It also sucks when you realize that everyone (clearly not everyone, but of course when I'm in a pouty mood, I exaggerate) your age has at least 2 kids (several had said 2 was their plan all along) or 4 or 5 kids if they just wanted to have a lot of kids. Those 3-5 years younger than me are at about 2 or 3 kids.

It further sucks when you realize that you are now in a whole new territory.  First there was when all my friends were getting married and I wasn't.  Then there was when several of those friends got divorced and you think, "Well, at least I missed the first marriage."  Now I realize that some of those people had gotten remarried and I still haven't managed the first time around!

And I got all this from profile pictures, because I wasn't about to click on their profiles.

Most of that was yesterday, and there's a little residual today, but luckily it is dissipating much faster than it used to.  Hopefully that is because I am getting better at surrender and not because I am giving up!  There really is a big difference between the two, and I am not yet ready to give up.  Hanging on to hope, baby!  Even if there hasn't really been much of an external reason to hope in a while.  Eh, well.  It's not as though dates or or the presence of attractive and available guys in my social circles is my reason for hope anyway.

Anyway, I should be safe again for a while.  I'm back to people in my newsfeed that I don't feel like that when I hear any news that they have (for the most part!)  I also realized the danger of the isolationist principles I have, though.  One acquaintance (I never knew her that well) is going through a really tough time.  I didn't know that she was because I had blocked her feed.  Now I know, but by not keeping up even a slim thread of friendship, I can pray for her, but I feel really strange trying to offer any other support.


  1. Isolation is dangerous but BF is full of traps too... perhaps because it can perpetuate its own sort of isolation. The other day I realized that I once again have to stop reading a specific sort of blog. I want to support others but it isn't reasonable to expect myself to be strong enough to combat the harmful emotions aroused by the way that others put certain things out there in a certain way.

    Cheers for you for holding onto hope, and thank God that things dissipate faster than they used to. Maybe getting older isn't entirely bad!

  2. Ah, FB, my favorite place - please note the sarcasm there ;).

    I mostly just log in to go the groups I'm in - and for work. Though every once in a while I'm silly enough to scroll through my newsfeed.

    No, dissipating faster doesn't mean you are giving up - I'd like to think it means we are growing in our ability to surrender. (Don't tell me if I'm wrong, k? ;)

    Oh, and I'm feeling a bit guilty b/c I suggested the FB group :(...sorry!

    1. No, don't feel bad! I have my newsfeed such that it doesn't bother me. It was only because I was working on some privacy things and had to scroll through some people that I normally don't see. I love the fb group for the Bible study! I think it will make it so we have a lot more participation!

  3. Oh boy, FB used to kill me. So much so, that I quit it completely for a long time and only rejoined so that I could spread the news about our adoption auction. Sometimes I still hate it a little bit, lol, but I've mostly done what you've described and hidden those people that I can't bear to hear updates about and surrounded myself with bloggers and family that know of our struggles.

  4. Yeah I blocked certain people from my newsfeed because they kept gushing about their babies or would say how they hate being pregnant. I couldn't take it anymore. I mostly look at the secret groups I am a part of and promote NFP and NaPro.