As you can see by the song title, I am getting old. Okay, older than I was. (By a strange coincidence, it seems like everyone I know goes through the same thing! Who would have thought?)
Okay, but what I did was that I got on good old Bookface. Now, I have been quite happy on there recently, because I just stopped the news feeds on those old acquaintances that I never talk to anymore and whose child after child remind me of how far I am falling behind. This time, the problem was that I decided that I wanted to actually put some of these people on the acquaintances list so I could have greater privacy on a few posts by restricting who could see them.
It sucks when you see a 4 or 5 year old and remember when their birth announcement was a blow.
It also sucks when you realize that everyone (clearly not everyone, but of course when I'm in a pouty mood, I exaggerate) your age has at least 2 kids (several had said 2 was their plan all along) or 4 or 5 kids if they just wanted to have a lot of kids. Those 3-5 years younger than me are at about 2 or 3 kids.
It further sucks when you realize that you are now in a whole new territory. First there was when all my friends were getting married and I wasn't. Then there was when several of those friends got divorced and you think, "Well, at least I missed the first marriage." Now I realize that some of those people had gotten remarried and I still haven't managed the first time around!
And I got all this from profile pictures, because I wasn't about to click on their profiles.
Most of that was yesterday, and there's a little residual today, but luckily it is dissipating much faster than it used to. Hopefully that is because I am getting better at surrender and not because I am giving up! There really is a big difference between the two, and I am not yet ready to give up. Hanging on to hope, baby! Even if there hasn't really been much of an external reason to hope in a while. Eh, well. It's not as though dates or or the presence of attractive and available guys in my social circles is my reason for hope anyway.
Anyway, I should be safe again for a while. I'm back to people in my newsfeed that I don't feel like that when I hear any news that they have (for the most part!) I also realized the danger of the isolationist principles I have, though. One acquaintance (I never knew her that well) is going through a really tough time. I didn't know that she was because I had blocked her feed. Now I know, but by not keeping up even a slim thread of friendship, I can pray for her, but I feel really strange trying to offer any other support.