Sunday, December 2, 2012

A Dangerous Prayer

I apologize if you are getting tired of my current obsession with waiting well.

In the last year and a half, I have had two answers to a prayer that I regularly throw out there in slightly varying forms.  I wrote about the first here. The second (both the prayer and the answer) is very similar. This time, I was so frustrated with being stuck, so tired of the never ending wait in limbo, that I was ready to pray a prayer that I never want to pray, even if it meant that I would get the answer that I desperately didn't want to hear. It's a prayer that I knew would be answered, but I didn't know if it was the answer I would want to hear. I did get an answer that I didn't particularly want, but not the expected unwanted answer.

Beloved, if it is Your will for me to be married, please send him now. If You want me to be single, help me to find contentment and purpose in this single life.  Your will be done.

The trick to a prayer like that is saying "Your will be done" and meaning it on some level. Then I settled back and waited for his answer, figuring peace and purpose were on their way, because the whole husband thing seems to be completely unattainable.  And surely God had to grant one or the other since I asked Him for whatever His will was.

It took a couple of days for it to dawn on me. I asked for God's will, but I didn't cover all the bases. And even though I said that I wanted God's will to be done, there was still something that I hadn't included in my prayer.  My prayer came out of the fatigue and frustration of waiting over a decade. I was ready for that wait to be done, so ready that I was even willing to stay single. But if I was truly asking for God's will to be done, whatever that may be, I had to include my willingness to wait for a bit longer (or a lot longer) or whatever He wanted. My prayer was intended to ask God to bring me to the end of the wait.  Instead, He proved that He really is unchangeable and left me smack in the middle of the wait.

Snark aside, I figure if He's going to allow me more waiting and not move on to the next thing, then I'd better try to wait to the best of my ability. And given that my ability is sorely lacking, and He seems to be dumping lessons on me from all over the place, I'm going to keep spitting them out here as they come. Seeing as how I forget these things as quickly as I see them, I'd better have a reference point to come back to.  Sorry about all the permutations* on the same theme, but here is my spot to write what I'm thinking about, and this is what I'm thinking about!


*How's that for a 25 cent word? I guess Dickens has gotten to me; of all those books I downloaded, I did get The Old Curiosity Shop actually read, and now I'm finding strange words and turns of expression (see what I mean?) coming to mind all the time.

8 comments:

  1. This post made me think....for I've been waiting a long time for a child...so much..I have given up emotionally...kinda. So, should my prayer be..help me as I wait? Should waiting be the focus of my prayer instead of saying..help me to be strong or help me to fully surrender and move on? I never added the word "waiting" to my prayers for a child. I will do that now. Like you said (or I understood from this post) it is about waiting. Perfect for Advent which is about waiting too.

    If it's any help...I waited a long time to meet the right man. It was tough for most of my friends were married and were having children. I was left out...just like now...left out. Some of those friends are now divorced...which I don't want to be part of that. In retrospect,,,I'm glad waiting happened. It was really for the best. I waited and God gave me an awesome gift. :)

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  2. I never have anything wise to add, but I just wanted to say that I am not at all tired of your posts on waiting well. They are wonderful.

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  3. I know this prayer well, because I pray it myself. I lift you up to Him in prayer tonight.

    Most Sacred Heart of Jesus, I place my friend CM deep within your most Sacred Heart. I ask you to bathe her in your most precious blood, and I trust that you will take care of her.

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  4. I am loving these posts - keep writing them, please? :)

    I too have to write it down when I think of it/experience it because about 2 minutes later I forget. I'm pretty sure most of my blog hits are me, going back and reminding myself.

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  5. I'm not tired of these posts at all.
    Will pray that God increases your peace in the waiting.

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  6. Very good.

    Thanks for that. It brings to mind that I have often just wanted to be done with my waiting, too. I desire an answer now, so I can stop wanting something that I might never have. But, like you, I realized that I may actually get my answer--just not at all in the timing that I expected to receive such a gift.

    Thanks for this post!

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  7. I really like what you write about waiting. I struggle with praying "Your will be done" and meaning it, especially if the answer is not what I had in mind or it's more waiting.

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  8. Your Will Be Done ... that is HARD to say and truly mean (for me, anyway ... I'm not very trustful sometimes)! I really enjoy your posts about waiting - you are always enlightening me with your amazing perspective and I really enjoy being able to have you put some of my feelings into words. :-D

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