Wednesday, September 5, 2012

Following Up On That Post

Funny thing. I was scrolling through my blog reader, and there is picture after picture of babies, families, husbands, and posts about birth stories, you name it. As I mentioned in that post, it is not okay. However, I didn't clarify as well as I could have.

In some sense, it's okay that it's not okay.  Whatever.

Here is where I am going to get myself into real trouble, seeing as how I am single and have never had a child. But I'm going with it, and you can't stop me. In some ways it reminds me of some descriptions that I've seen of natural childbirth. You have to learn on some level to accept the pain and allow it to work to accomplish the goal. Fighting the pain doesn't help; it only makes it worse.  (Which is not to say that I'm strong enough for natural childbirth.)

I don't really know what the goal is here, but I know my response. Whatever. Whatever the goal is, whatever the timing is, whatever my life ends up looking like, that's okay. Whatever. I do care, but I don't want to fight anymore. Fighting takes more time and energy than I have.


Can we also take a quick moment to discuss posts related to babies and husbands and families and all sorts of things of that nature? Sometimes people are afraid to post or comment, because they're afraid of my reaction. Let me tell you how it goes when I sort through my blog reader.  For some folks, those that I don't know as well, there are days when I can't read those kinds of posts. Doesn't matter if they're happy posts about wonderful families or complaining posts about how tough it is. I can't read it. 

The whole other end of the spectrum are the people that take a moment to be there. They comment on those posts and many others. Sometimes they are in the same boat of singleness, sometimes they are married but have struggled with or are struggling with infertility, and many times they are married with kids and others on the way. They can be people who comment on my blog or email me or just keep in touch with me IRL. When they have news to share, I'm excited to hear about new babies. I'm excited to hear what the older babies are doing. I enjoy hearing stories about awesome husbands. I love that they include me in their stories, just as they have taken a moment to participate in mine. I love getting a chance to walk the road together in some way from our many different perspectives. In the interaction, it is no longer just about haves and have nots. It is simply about sharing our varied lives, and that is truly a joy.

I know it can be different for different people that are struggling with various things of their own, but that's how I usually feel about it.


  1. M - you are awesome, down to the core of your being awesome! I love ALL of your posts. I am sorry I don't comment as much - dang Iphone - but really it is my own fault for being the world's worst texter or commenter on a smartphone (which is truly smarter than me). Anyway, I laughed when I read that you and St. Anthony were in a fight and I should have commented then...please forgive me. I too had to recently delete a couple of blogs from my blog roll for different reasons (you are definitely still on there), but I just came to the conclusion - why cause myself grief each time I see that blog and a new heading. If I want to read it sometime, I know where I can find it. Self-preservation is not a bad thing. Okay, I don't know if I am making sense.

    On a totally random note (very random) - have you watch Downton Abbey (BBC drama)? I have spent a lot of hours over the last week watching Seasons 1 and 2 and I have to say it is a great distraction. I mean - if you can't get out and climb this weekend because oh the weather is bad or something, you might enjoy watching it. It has helped take my mind off the other umm...painful things that have been happening around my house lately. Okay...I will stop rambling...

  2. Oh, and because I think you are so awesome (have I said that before), I put Elizabeth down (she was sleeping on me - I need to break that habit, but it is what it is) and got out my laptop so I could actually type a coherent comment to you. I seriously don't think I could type something that long on my phone! ;)

  3. I have kind of been out of the blog loop lately, and haven't made it to the post before this one... But, I have to say you always speak my language girl! You described and explained that very well! I know exactly what you are talking about. But, I look forward to the blog roll when I see you have posted. No matter how raw it is your posts always touch on something I have felt or am currently feeling. Not to mention all your adventures...

  4. You are an amazing gal! I have been thinking about reorganizing my blog roll...i just can't get to all of them anymore. but there are several I make sure to visit any chance I get. :)

  5. That is a very good description of what it takes to do a natural birth. And you know, it tends to move quicker once you've reached that point where you stop fighting!

  6. I think you're on to something with the Whatever. It reminds me of Ignatian Indifference

    And I appreciate your description of how things work for you.

  7. "it is simply about sharing our varied lives, and that truly is a joy." Agreed! While yes, there are certainly times that I steer clear of some posts, it's not as often as it used to be (truly, separating things and making it be my choice to read and not something that pops up unexpectedly has made all the difference!).

    And while I also can't specifically relate to natural childbirth, I think you are on to something there about the pain - we must let it do what it is supposed to do!

  8. I felt that EXACT same way so many times about baby posts--it's different when it's someone who's taken the time to care about your life too, instead of just parading around their own blessings and not take any interest in anyone else. And then there were other days where I just couldn't handle it, no matter who it was.

    This is my favorite line--"It is simply about sharing our varied lives, and that is truly a joy." PERFECT. Love this so much.

    Oh, and like JBTC, I'm also obsessed with Downton Abbey. I totally recommend it. :)

  9. You are so right! It is about just sharing our varied lives. Our lives are what they are, we all have struggles and joys, highs and lows. Sometimes those highs or lows are just too painful for whatever reason. I struggle with what to share and try to remember that maybe what I am saying is what someone, somewhere needed to hear...and I try to remember that everything wasn't written just for me. My version of "whatever."

  10. You are totally awesome. I agree with you that sometimes you reach a plateau of "whatever" and that it's not actually a bad place to be. Also, the various kinds of posts from others, I notice about myself that it depends on how invested I am in them and their journey as to whether I want to read it. Frankly, that's how I am with any reading material, so I should probably stop beating myself up for not "wanting" to read some things.

  11. So a week after I started reading your original THAT post I finally got to finish reading through them both! And I didn't get all the way through the comments so hopefully I won't repeat too much. Anyway, I understand, even though I don't REALLY understand (and I'm probably one of those in your feed where you're like "grreeaat, fifteen million more pictures of the whatever-month-old. Eye roll.") But even though it sounds weird and kind of awful, your posts seem similar in many ways to my those from my friend who lost her first child or when I talk to a friend who lost her husband in combat. It doesn't matter what day it is, or how much time has passed, the desire of their heart for the ones they love has not grown any weaker. And even though you don't know his name or have memories to refer to, I imagine that it is crystal clear in your head. So every day that desire isn't realized, you have to grieve a little bit more for it. Because it is all very, very real. And even though there are a million viable reasons that God or St. Anthony hasn't plopped Mr. Right in front of you just yet, like the fact that maybe he's not ready or on a mission in Africa for the next year feeding starving children or something, knowing that doesn't make it any easier on you. Because you feel ready now. You wanted it all yesterday. And every single day you feel the absence of that tangible desire more acutely. I'm sure the grief of it all is utterly overwhelming at times. Anyway, I don't know that I have much to offer, other than the fact that you can't and shouldn't ignore the human emotions that are very real, that I think it is all undeniably justified regardless of what God has in store, and that I am praying for you. Lots!

  12. "In the interaction, it is no longer just about haves and have nots. It is simply about sharing our varied lives, and that is truly a joy."
    Ummm ... I totally agree. I just couldn't put it into words as amazingly as you can! :-) Even childless, I felt this same way.