Saturday, September 29, 2012

Foolish Hope

There was a time that I didn't think too much about hope.  Kind of like the way that I don't think to much about air. Both are necessary, one for life and the other for life worth living, but I take them for granted. Or I did.

I started in a place of hope. My hopes for schooling and a wonderful job were fulfilled. Along the way there were unexpected adventures and friends that filled places that I didn't even know needed to be filled. Or at least, they needed to be filled to help me become who I am. Hope for a husband and children didn't waver at first. I had frustration in waiting, but of course it would all work out in the end, right? I mean, God gave me this desire, surely it was only a matter of time. I just had to wait a little longer.

So I waited. Eventually, I started to say things like "If I ever get married." But at the time, it was not an expression of lack of hope.  It was purely frustration of waiting so long, while at the same time acknowledging some great lessons that had been learned along the way.  Pleading at the same time that the lessons of my single life were over so that I could start to learn the lessons related to being a wife and mother.

Then I waited some more. Hope was still a faithful companion, but the bright shiny promise that it offered started to wear a little thin.

And then I waited some more.

And then I waited until I was absolutely certain I could not wait one more minute.

And then I waited several more years.

Hope became a four-letter word in every sense.  I learned to hate it.  I resented its warm, fuzzy wonderfulness because I knew how intensely awful it would feel when it was ripped away. Again. "Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me." Well, how many times over the years has it been, eh, Hope? Hundreds? And I just kept going along with it, just like Charlie Brown trying to kick Lucy's football.  That's just great. Not only do I have the heartbreak of continuing in a world where everyone around me is getting married and having babies while I learn what it feels like to actually want to drink just to get away from it all for a little while (I never did), but I also get to face the fact that I am some kind of moron because I keep letting hope play me like that.

Every time hope would start to creep back into life, I'd want to get rid of it.  I wanted to stuff it in a box.  Then I wanted to mail that box to the North Pole, preferably to the edge of the ice cap.  Because then when it melted, global warming could finally be good for something by relegating hope to the oblivion of the Arctic Sea.  Maybe life would be more blah, but it would also be a whole hell of a lot less painful.

But you know what? Hope really does spring eternal.

D**n hope.

For a good 6 months to a year, I didn't have much use for hope.  It would show up, but I wouldn't welcome it when it came. Or I briefly would, and the crash was that much worse when it cackled and pulled the rug from underneath me again. I would wonder at and admire those that could somehow keep holding tight to hope, but I couldn't take the pain myself.

Life without hope. Yuck-o.  I have heard that when people are on the verge of passing out from lack of oxygen, their vision goes gray.  I have no idea if that's true, but I can tell you with all the authority of experience that life without hope is very dull and gray and blah and maybe numbness is not as bad as some of the pain, but being numb to the good things is certainly not fantastic either. I was pretty sure that if I did manage to meet someone, that there wouldn't be anything good left for this poor man to find. The best part of me seemed dead.

And I was still drawn to those that held tight to hope. On purpose. Crazy schmucks. I mean, good for them, but was the pain really worth it?  I didn't understand them, and I didn't understand why I was drawn to these beacons of hope.  But when is death not drawn toward life? So thank you to all those that chose to hang on to hope and put your hope out for the world to see, even when you got smacked for your trouble. Not that you were hopeful every single day or every moment, but that it was your default position and where you chose to return when you got up again after being knocked down. I'm not sure I would have made it through without you.

Eventually I wanted to figure out how to be like them, but I didn't know how. Seriously, how the freak are you supposed to survive hope?  Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but hope deferred long enough will kill you dead. Trying to return to hope did not guarantee that anything would change, and if it didn't, would I end up back in the same old place?

I guess, for me, it comes down to a couple of things. One is that my hope is in God. I have come to realize that for me, a husband and family may never happen. But ultimately, that is not what my hope is about. Ultimately, it has to be about Him.  If what I really want is that I get to heaven and take as many people with me as possible, then as devastating as it sounds to remain single and childless (because that's how it sounds to me), if that's what it takes, so be it. I do think that if that's what God is asking of me, it will not always be a devastating thought.

But this post is about hope, and I really do hope and believe that God has a plan through the tough stuff and to something amazing, whatever that may be.  Choosing to hope means choosing to believe that God is bigger than whatever it is that we're going through.  As I was discussing with a friend, I don't know when or if things will change, but if they do, I want them to change when I am waiting with hope, and not when I am deadened to the world around me because I've kicked hope to Timbuktu.

The biggest part of surviving hope, for me, has been to finally learn (a little bit) to let go. I was always so afraid of letting go. To have my hopes dashed over and over, I felt like I was watching someone else smash the things that were most important to me. To let go felt like I was no longer trying to protect them, but rather handing them over to meet their end. It even felt like I had to pick up the bat myself and start in on them.  But that's not how it's been. Letting go means that these things are still extremely high on the list for me.  They are still precious and important and a part of my life. But they are not the most important thing.  It gives room for God and His plan to be the most important thing.  It doesn't mean that I no longer get smacked around by my emotions, it doesn't mean that I can get on fb any time I want without repercussions, it doesn't mean that I'll be able to go to that family work party by myself instead of sitting around and blogging, or that each birthday as I get older without family will get easier.

It means that on some level it's okay, and it's a little easier to get out of bed in the morning. It means that even though there are tough times, finding a frosty leaf with frozen droplets of water on it is an amazing discovery. It means that breathing crisp, fall air and seeing snow and deep blue sky is a very good day. It means being excited again by the life that I do have, even while I hope for a change. It means knowing that this is not all there is, and if I eventually do get married and somehow end up with a dozen children, that is not all there is, either.

So, Hope, you're welcome here. (Just please tread a little softly.  I'm still a little scared of you sometimes!)

Friday, September 28, 2012

7 Quick Takes Friday

7 quick takes sm1 7 Quick Takes Friday (vol. 163)

1) Can I just say that I love thunderstorms?  And rain. And snow. And snow on peaks. And fleece. And warm blankets. And the need for warm blankets. And all things pumpkin.  Yeah.  I never used to get the fall thing, but clearly I've had the Kool Aid on this one and am swimming in all things fall. Except home decor. No little pumpkins or leaves or acorns around here.  They are cute and charming and all, but I don't really do any decor.  Unless my backpack and trekking poles still sitting out from the last hike are considered decor. (Except Christmas stuff, because that's not decor, that's Christmas!)

2) This is not to say that I think decor and all things pin.terest are bad, they're just not really my thing. I'm just proud that I have a few things on my walls at all.

3) My work hours are going to change just a tad. I think it will be good, but we'll see how this goes. Currently, I work 10 hour days and have one day off during the week. Now they want to close the office a little earlier on Fridays.  Hmm, off earlier on a Friday? I can deal with that. However, in order to make up for it, I have to work extra time elsewhere. So I'm opening time on Monday and Wednesday.  I'm kind of okay with it, but it will cut into the number of times I'm able to go to daily Mass. Not too excited about that!  We'll see how it goes.  My experience is that people don't tend to love those early times that much.

4) I had another dream that I was living back in the Midwest. I don't love those dreams.  I always hate that I'm there, and I hate that I hate it because that's where so many of my family and friends are and it's actually very nice and all. But it's not the mountains.  I love the mountains and the mountain air, and the crunch of a trail under my feet and the animals and big hiking and the flowers and the snow and... Well, every little and big piece of it.

5) However, I do get to go back to the Midwest for a visit soon, and I'm very excited about that!  I finally just got the tickets the other day. I get to see some amazing friends and their new homes.  Can't wait!!!

6) I'm actually chilly enough right now that I'm thinking about turning on the heat.  I hope that the chill is for real and going to stay!  Have I said enough times how much I want a ton of snow this year?  Because I really, really want tons and tons of snow!

7) I'm all out, so say hello to my leetle friend.

Loved all the lizards in the desert. This was by far the prettiest one we saw.
Have a fantastic weekend, and head over to Jen's for more Quick Takes!

Thursday, September 27, 2012

Humanae Vitae, 18

This is a post regarding paragraph 18, not my 18th post on the encyclical. Are you surprised to see the return of the encyclical? I haven't had time to finish it, but I'll keep plugging away.  What's more, I plan to finish my little 2 cents about the Mass, too, even though it's been about a year since I posted on that. I just want to finish what I started.

This paragraph was interesting to read.

"It is to be anticipated that perhaps not everyone will easily accept this particular teaching." (Humanae Vitae, 18)

BWAHAHAHA! Ahem, I mean, very diplomatic of you, Your Holiness. Yeah, there are a lot of people that not only don't like this teaching. They hate it with the depths of their being.  Of course, give me the ones that passionately hate the teaching over the ones that are indifferent to it and decide that it doesn't matter what the Church says, they'll just do whatever they want anyway.

So many people are waiting for the Church to "change her mind" in this matter, and finally catch up with the times.  But what they do not understand is that the Church does not make up the rules.

"Since the Church did not make... these laws, she cannot be their arbiter- only their guardian and interpreter." (Ibid.)

What you need to understand is that the Church does not have the authority to change her mind. Like I've said before, the Church is interpreting natural law, not deciding it.  Like a scientist who can only observe and record the laws of gravity so that we can learn from them, the Church can only recognize and defend the natural laws. She is recognizing what is, not arbitrarily deciding what she thinks is right and wrong.

Sunday, September 23, 2012

For My Friends Who Wait

And in honor of those that know the road of a long wait, and have made it through.

AKA, Yet Another Hiking Analogy.

As many of us know, this journey of waiting- whether it is for a husband, for children, or whatever it may be- the journey starts with the promise of something beautiful.

It starts in the cool of the morning, when everyone is energized and excited and ready to go (please, even if you are not a morning person, I defy you to not be energized and excited at the beginning of a hike!)  No one expects the journey to be easy, exactly, but we do expect it to be worth it. We don't really question if we will make it. Who starts a journey with that thought in mind?

If you have hiked long enough (or waited long enough) you learn to realize that the outcome is not a given. You may run low on supplies, you may have bad weather move in, someone may get a blister early one. If you're smart, you have to learn that you have to turn around sometimes. You also know that it is possible that it could turn really bad. There are no guarantees.  There can be injury and death.  Most of those dangers can be mitigated by the right preparation, but stepping out on to the trail means assuming the weight of those dangers.

This particular hike, my friend and I drove over an hour outside of Moab to go to Canyonlands National Park. We had been in Arches National Park the day before, and it was rank with loads and loads of people. The sights were beautiful, but crowded. People of all sizes, shapes, and conditioning were crawling all over the place. It's hard for me to be around many of these people. They seem excited about the things that surround them, but they don't have enough respect for the area to obey signs like staying on the trail, so as not to ruin the fragile vegetation around them.  They don't seem to have enough respect for others to have common courtesy on the trail, and they don't respect themselves enough to show up with the proper preparation... This is the desert, maybe you should think about sunscreen, the appropriate clothing, and enough water!

These people are the ones that assume that nothing can happen to themselves or to the beauty around them. They assume that if they leave their car, they will come back to it shortly, unharmed by their brief excursion into nature. They, like those who grew up, got married, found a job, and had kids according to plan, do not seem to understand that it doesn't always work out that way. For those of us waiting a long time, and for those who have waited, we know that just the plan to do this or that does not make it so. We know that leaving the car does not mean that we will come back unscathed.

Anyway, back to the Canyonlands. It was a much more remote location, so there were comparatively few people at the trailhead. Those that were there knew what faced them.  Beautiful scenery, and a wonderful hike, but also hard work that required the appropriate preparation in order to reach the destination and return safely to the car. When you are hiking upwards of 11 miles in the desert as opposed to 1/2 mile, the stakes go way up.

I only wish you could have been there with me. I can't describe what it's like to be out there with almost no one around. Most of the time, it was just my friend and I. It was hot, and we were working hard, and we got blisters and we sweated, and our feet ached. We carried a good amount of weight on our back, including lots of water, food and layers.  We both remembered the first time we hiked longer distances of 9-10 miles. The first time you do it, you really don't know if you'll make it. The journey seems never ending. But if you do it long enough, a hike of only 2-3 miles is not enough of a challenge to be satisfying.

I thought of you, my friends who wait.  I know that you did not pick this journey.  I know that it seems hard and seems like it may never end and you may not make it to the destination. I wish I could tell you that you'll get there eventually, but the truth is, some of us won't get to the place we'd planned on going. It's always a disappointment, but I've yet to regret going on a hike and how it has helped me to grow, despite that disappointment.

I also thought of my friends that are no longer waiting, but have waited. You know how hard the journey is and you have made it to the end. I see in you that you know that the destination and return are not a given. You get it, and you appreciate everything so much more as a result.

And for those of you that are still waiting? I have more bad news. Most of us that get out and do longer hikes and get away from the crowds, we usually are somewhat battered and broken as a result. There are injuries to nurse and scars that tell of the great (and not so great) times that we've had. Most are minor enough in nature, but you don't do this kind of thing and come though without being changed for it.

Anyway, this particular hike was to Druid Arch. It involved walking through some narrow areas, scrambling over and around rocks, and trudging through fine sand that made every step take twice the energy. Most of the day, we followed a wash up through a canyon. We could look up and see some great views at times.

And often there are beautiful, simple moments along the way.

 Have you ever, in the journey of waiting, had a feeling of hope so strong you almost touch it? Then you realize, hope notwithstanding, you still have a long ways to go? My friends, here it is in picture.

I didn't recognize it at first, because it's sideways to us, but the tower to the right by the tree is Druid Arch. First I was so excited, because I realized I was almost to the end of the hike. But then my excitement was dampened, because I realized that the arch was still quite high above where we were. I had a sneaking suspicion that there was still a fair amount of work to do to get to our destination.

I was right.

First, we walked up rock that was steep enough I didn't know for sure if we'd be able to walk on it at first. We could. Then there was a ladder and a bar that you could hold onto to get you to the next platform. The arch was closer, but still high.  And that's when the trail got steep. You know how it is when you're waiting? Sometimes you trudge along, putting one step in front of the other. Sometimes it's relatively easy. Sometimes you have to stop and take a rest because you can't go anymore. Sometimes it's fun. Sometimes there are intensely beautiful moments. Sometimes it's freaking hot, and you're dusty and you're tired, and why aren't we there yet, dammit?!

And sometimes it's like that trail was in that moment. Steep and ridiculous.  At a glance, it appears impossible. The goal, while close, is hidden. In that moment, and not only can you not see it, you can barely think about it, because you are so focused on making it through this moment. All I could do was take one step at a time. I get to one spot, then stop and look for the way. Usually there was a cairn helping me to figure out the next place to go. Always it was doable, but I couldn't see ahead. I could only go from one spot to the next.  And I thought of you, my friends. You know that spot.  The spot where all you can do is take the next step and hope something opens up in front of you, because there's nothing that you can see before you get there.

But, then.

There was the moment that I have not personally experienced, but that I have heard in the hearts of those who have waited.

I couldn't find the next step. I looked up and it wasn't there, and I finally looked to the side and I saw the step. I was so focused on the trail, that I was only looking at the rocks at my feet until I saw my friend grinning at me and my difficulty with finding the trail. I realized what was going on when I raised my eyes a fraction higher.

This is the "Holy crap! It's there!" moment. Seriously, I stopped right there and pulled out the camera before I took another step. I thought of all those trudging along, not realizing anything would be different about that day, but it became the day that they finally got the call for an adoption, or they finally got the pregnancy test that came up positive.

Pictures really can't convey how huge and awesome this thing is, though here's one with my friend walking towards it to try to give some idea. It was worth the loads of sweat, the sore feet, and the miles in the fine sandy spots that stole all the energy.

What I think I liked even better was the view opposite the arch.  I liked looking back where we came from, only this time my view was from above looking down, rather from the canyon floor looking up. Our wash, which seemed wide enough when we were walking, was only a dark crack in the view. It reminded me that sometimes the perspective that we have during the journey will not make as much sense until we get to the end. I also thought of this incredibly beautiful sight that we shared with only two other people.  A long journey is definitely the road less traveled because of the work and the sweat and the pain involved, but the rewards are worth the effort and so few get to experience it!  And I absolutely believe that here and/or in heaven, the rewards of waiting will be worth it. Further, at that time, we may actually begin to consider ourselves the lucky ones, whether we get what we initially wanted or not.

The trail was below the bottom whitish layer. Also, I think you get the idea of why the area we were in is referred to as the Needles District.
So, my friends who are still waiting, this one's for you. I'm praying that your "holy crap" moment is soon, and that you can then take some time to look back with a different perspective on how far you've come, and how a journey like that changes and becomes a part of you.

And then buckle up, because when one adventure is over, the next one's just beginning.

Tuesday, September 18, 2012

A Few Random Thoughts for Wednesday

Except it's Tuesday, but now that I realize that, I don't want to change it. Why? Because I'm lazy. Wait...

My biggest rant right now is Blogger.  It's telling me that I don't follow any blogs.  Really, Blogger? You lost all 14 million blogs I follow? Really? I just wanted to wind down and go to bed early because I got up too early, but now instead of reading, I have some serious whining to do!

Other than that, you want to know who makes the worst PT patients?  Now, there are a lot of different types that I could complain about, but this is the absolute worst.  Ready? The worst PT patients have got to be PT's.  I have this recurring problem that is actually pretty easy to address with PT. But I can't perform some of the treatments on myself, and I can't see myself performing the exercises well enough to know if I'm fully getting the movement right.  But it's really hard to consider paying a copay to someone else to do your job to you.  I try to see some of the other PT's in my clinic, and they're happy to see me for free, but it's a brief moment between patients rather than a full appointment focused on what needs to be fixed.  However, I am on the road to taking care of some things.  I don't want to be the hypocritical PT that sends patients home with exercises, but won't do my own!

This is not a rant, but I have to tell you that I was all excited this morning because I got to meet a fellow blogger this evening!  I love it when that works out!  I'd link you to her blog, but she's private right now.  Anyway, I had a great time meeting her, and I hope she enjoyed it, too, because I'm going to start asking if she wants to do more stuff now that I know how close she is! (Oops.  That may have been a little too public, because now she knows to avoid my emails! ;)

Okay, I guess I don't have too many random thoughts, and I really do have to go to bed.  I hope Blogger finds my list of blogs soon!

Friday, September 14, 2012

7 Quick Takes Friday

7 quick takes sm1 7 Quick Takes Friday (vol. 163)
1) I realized something this week. As much as I like to get snotty and elitist about some Christian "art", I do love and have missed Christian music. Sometimes the lyrics are lame and the theology is plain bad, but listening to it makes me happy. Since I moved here, I've been unable to find a station that I like, but I found one this week!  Areas of reception are spotty, and I'm sure the moment that it switches to the patter of the DJ's handing out cliches, I'll start the eye rolling again*, but I am loving the music!

2) It's interesting how things like that can sometimes make such a big difference, and you didn't even know you needed it.

3) Many of the leaves are already past their peak, and there was snow in the higher elevations briefly! Snow! I'm so excited, I can't even handle it. I don't know if we'll get much snow this year, but I'm praying for buckets and buckets and buckets of it!  It has been so hot for so long, I want a nice, long, cold, snowy winter. Y'all might think I'm crazy, but I don't care. I have visions of strapping on snowshoes and plunge stepping down hillsides. I have cross country, backcountry and downhill skiing to work on.  I have layers of cold weather gear waiting to be worn!  I have avy gear** that is collecting dust and needs to be used! Please, God, let it snow and snow lots all over the state all winter long!!

4) Along that same vein, last night I got home from work, and I was a little chilly.  It kind of threw me for a loop.  I couldn't quite figure out what to do.  Did I really need to turn on the furnace already?  That seemed premature, and overkill besides. Then I realized the answer... Fleece!  It was so awesome.  I love fleece and feeling all warm and comfy. I admit to nothing, but I am also not denying that there may have been some actual jumping up and down with excitement over getting to wear fleece and being a little chilly.

5) Unfortunately, I don't think the cool down's supposed to last long.

 6) I have been weird about climbing lately.  I think there was so much progress that was made in the first year that then there was a lot of pressure to keep doing more and harder things. And then I had to give myself permission to not worry about it so much. And then I didn't try hard enough.  It's hard to explain, but all I really want to say is that I went climbing this week, and it felt back in the groove.  It felt like I was pushing myself, but in all the right ways.  Sorry, that probably doesn't make much sense. Let me rephrase: Yay for fun climbing and pushing until I fell off the wall and getting back on the wall and for accomplishing something challenging, but not too far off the reservation in terms of comfort level!

7) And with that, I'll leave you a picture.  Since I don't have any new ones uploaded and ready to go, let's go with a favorite of mine from last year that fits the theme.

Have a great weekend and head over to Grace's for more Quick Takes, as she is hosting for Jen this week!

*I don't think this elitist, eye rolling attitude is a good thing, but I'm being honest here.
**Avalanche gear

Sunday, September 9, 2012

My Crystal Ball

I used to think I could see the future. I have felt the call, and understood to some degree what that would entail. I am called to be a wife and mother. To serve those that I love the most in ways that would challenge my selfishness. I would change the world, one diaper at a time. I would learn to witness to the world with sex that was sacred, and belonged to the context of marriage.  I would be witness within marriage that marriage is not just a piece of paper, but a beautiful gift of hard work. In fact, the work would be so hard that it would be a cross, but I would help show that it was worth it. I could be active in little ways to help my family get to heaven.

When it didn't happen right away, that was okay.  I could see how the moments were growing and shaping me to be an even better wife and mother. It was okay that I would not be among the first of my friends to marry. My turn would come. My crystal ball was clear. Besides, I'm a good Christian and know that God will not give us more than we can handle, and His plan is best in the end.

I am slowly coming to grips with the fact that my crystal ball is broken.

His plan, that I thought I could see so well, is a complete blur. I question why.  I question when. I question where it is leading, and what it is. I don't know.

I thought that He would not give me more than I could handle, but He did, and I broke.

Funny thing is, I think I like the broken me better than what I was before.

Instead of challenging my selfishness through marriage, I live single life, which is somewhat inherently selfish in that my world kind of revolves around me.

But it has also challenged me to learn that life is not all about me, and having everything work out how I think is best or needed.

I thought I was called to actively serve my family and help them on the way to heaven.

But maybe I am called to serve more passively by waiting and suffering, and help those that I meet along the way; perhaps people that I wouldn't have met otherwise.

I thought I was called to redeem sex in living it with my husband.

But maybe I'm helping to redeem it by saving it and keeping it sacred.

I could go on, but the gist is that my crystal ball never worked as well as I thought it did, and now it is smashed beyond repair.  I do not know what will happen next, but whatever.

I'm just thinking that when life happens in ways that it shouldn't, in ways that it hurts, and frustrates, frightens, He is still there.

Friday, September 7, 2012

7 Quick Takes Friday

7 quick takes sm1 7 Quick Takes Friday (vol. 163)
1) I fixed my drain the other day!  It was a highly complex process that involved reading the directions on a bottle of D.ran.o and pouring it down the drain, but give me some credit. It's the first drain I've managed to fix on my own!

2) I haven't mentioned it in months, but I'm still working on reading the Bible in a year. As you might expect as I get 9 months into this thing, I am behind.  Actually, though, I'm pretty proud of myself, because I'm less than a month behind.  I'm not too worried about trying to catch up though. It's less important to read it in a year, and more important to keep reading it, even if it takes me some indeterminate period longer than a year.  Currently I'm in the midst of the period where the Jews were in exile.  So, lots of wisdom books and prophets.  Can I just say that I do not get Ezekiel?  I was really glad to get through that book!  I was worried about Daniel with some of the crazy dreams, but those were easy reads after Ezekiel.

3) I am so excited to get a hair cut!  I'm trying out a new person, because I never liked my hair after the last cut. This is actually someone I've recently met who may become a better friend.  I'm slightly nervous in that I really want to like how she cuts my hair because I would love to keep going to her. She is such a sweetheart and a fun person to be around. But I'm mostly excited, because I think she'll be able to listen to what I'm telling her and give me a good cut for what I do, and not one that looks good under the right conditions (such as 20 minutes of styling) which I am likely to never do.*

4) I've thought for a while how great it is that blogging can connect you with people from across this country and others that you never would have met otherwise.  But sometimes it can also connect you with people nearby that you wouldn't have met otherwise.  So excited about this!

5) I have decided on a new ab workout.  I'm pretty sure that it will give me six pack abs, and I'm pretty sure that it's one workout I will never complain about doing... Zip line tours! I tried it for the first time over the weekend and it was a blast!  I felt my abs for 2 days afterward- just enough, not too much. There is the minor drawback of one day costing more than a month's membership for most gyms, but I like to ignore reality sometimes and pretend that I have a great idea.  After all, my idea is way more fun than things like realistic budgets!

6) I miss good long rainstorms.  I know that's random, but there you go.

7) I'm out of stuff, so here's a picture.
See the little tiny rainbow?

Have a great weekend, and head over to Jen's for more Quick Takes!

*Because I'm writing this on Thursday, I can tell you that it seemed to go well. I liked how it looked after she was done, and she didn't spend forever on it.  The final opinion will be after I do it myself.

Wednesday, September 5, 2012

Following Up On That Post

Funny thing. I was scrolling through my blog reader, and there is picture after picture of babies, families, husbands, and posts about birth stories, you name it. As I mentioned in that post, it is not okay. However, I didn't clarify as well as I could have.

In some sense, it's okay that it's not okay.  Whatever.

Here is where I am going to get myself into real trouble, seeing as how I am single and have never had a child. But I'm going with it, and you can't stop me. In some ways it reminds me of some descriptions that I've seen of natural childbirth. You have to learn on some level to accept the pain and allow it to work to accomplish the goal. Fighting the pain doesn't help; it only makes it worse.  (Which is not to say that I'm strong enough for natural childbirth.)

I don't really know what the goal is here, but I know my response. Whatever. Whatever the goal is, whatever the timing is, whatever my life ends up looking like, that's okay. Whatever. I do care, but I don't want to fight anymore. Fighting takes more time and energy than I have.


Can we also take a quick moment to discuss posts related to babies and husbands and families and all sorts of things of that nature? Sometimes people are afraid to post or comment, because they're afraid of my reaction. Let me tell you how it goes when I sort through my blog reader.  For some folks, those that I don't know as well, there are days when I can't read those kinds of posts. Doesn't matter if they're happy posts about wonderful families or complaining posts about how tough it is. I can't read it. 

The whole other end of the spectrum are the people that take a moment to be there. They comment on those posts and many others. Sometimes they are in the same boat of singleness, sometimes they are married but have struggled with or are struggling with infertility, and many times they are married with kids and others on the way. They can be people who comment on my blog or email me or just keep in touch with me IRL. When they have news to share, I'm excited to hear about new babies. I'm excited to hear what the older babies are doing. I enjoy hearing stories about awesome husbands. I love that they include me in their stories, just as they have taken a moment to participate in mine. I love getting a chance to walk the road together in some way from our many different perspectives. In the interaction, it is no longer just about haves and have nots. It is simply about sharing our varied lives, and that is truly a joy.

I know it can be different for different people that are struggling with various things of their own, but that's how I usually feel about it.

Sunday, September 2, 2012

A Day of Climbing

A misstep in the creek (not mine!)

Anchor gear, waiting to go up 
Ropes are flaked and ready.

First climber is up, and belayers are belaying.

Its only relation to climbing was that it was at our spot.  But I liked it.
Climbing! (Not me, I'm behind the camera)
Between climbs

On the way out