Tuesday, August 7, 2012

How to Keep Legal Documents Safe in 36 Easy Steps

Step 1: Receive jury summons in the mail. Note that "summons" seems like such an ominous word. Between that and the boxed words: "Legal Document" make a note to self that this has all the earmarks of a Very Important Paper, and one that should not be lost.

Step 2: Read through all of the many Very Important Instructions about how to show up, where to show up, what to call to see if you should show up and how to be sure that- for the love!- you park in the right place.

Step 3: Make another urgent mental note to self not to lose the Very Important Paper containing the Very Important Instructions.

Step 4: Whimper slightly because there are 3 whole weeks to concentrate on this whole "not losing the little piece of paper" nonsense.

Step 5: Place the paper on the counter with other random and sundry papers of varying levels of importance.

Step 6: Leave and ignore for a good 1.5 weeks.

Step 7: Relocate to another stack in another room, but at least isolate it with other Important Papers That Require Action.

Step 8: Reach the day that you will have to call to see whether or not you have to report as a potential juror.

Step 9: Grab the paper to take it to work.

Step 10: During a break, decide to pull out the paper and re-check the instructions.

Step 11: Realize the paper's not in the pocket it was thought to be in.

Step 12: Shrug and realize that things often end up in a different pocket than you thought they were.

Step 13: Check another pocket.

Step 14: Check the last available pocket.

Step 15: Realize you must have been mistaken about which bag it was in. Check the other bag.

Step 16: Realize that you must have missed it and check all the pockets again.

Step 17: Repeat step 16.

Step 18: Get confused, because you were sure you put it with your stuff this morning since you knew you would have to call from work.

Step 19: Roll eyes and realize you must have left it on the couch by your purse, but luckily it's a short trip home and you have a break.

Step 20: Go home.

Step 21: Start to get a little nervous when you don't immediately see the paper.

Step 22: Look around the house, which is clean for once and should make for easy spotting of said paper, but it is no where to be seen.

Step 23: Look around the house again, including flipping through yesterday's mail 2-3 times.

Step 24: Console yourself that you clearly must have missed something in steps 11-17, and the paper must be at work somewhere.

Step 25: Don't believe self and have a moment of panic.  There is a number to call if you have any issues with the summons, but it is, of course, listed on the lost paper!  No number? Who're you going to call?!

Step 26: Since Ghostbusters probably aren't the people to call in this instance, do what any cradle Catholic would do when faced with a lost item that they need found posthaste, and send a shout out to St. Anthony.

Step 27: Because you're delusional, console yourself again that the paper must be at work, but decide that since you walked to work, realize that you're going to have to retrace your steps on the off chance that you dropped it and it might still be waiting for you on the ground somewhere (seems at least as likely as the "paper's in one of the thrice-searched pockets" scenario).

Step 28: Walk down your driveway.

Step 29: Hear thunder in the distance, but decide not to retreat to the car, because while finding the paper while walking seems unlikely, finding it while driving is even less likely.

Step 30: Walk quickly and scan roads/sidewalks for trash.

Step 31: Realize that if anyone needs probationary work cleaning up roadsides, there is plenty to keep them busy for a very looonngg sentence, but no sign of the paper.

Step 32: Within a couple hundred yards of workplace, realize your wild goose chase is not working out so well, and try to convince yourself that you just missed it in the cupboard at work.

Step 33: Still concerned that it was not at work (based on evidence from the initial repetitious search), send up a panicked, "St. Anth-"

Step 34: Get interrupted in the petition (for intercession, people! Only God answers the actual prayer) by spotting a small rectangle of white.

Step 35: Pick up the paper from the curb where it was safely waiting right where you left it, with only a few tire marks on it.

Step 36: Be thankful for many things, despite the fact you feel like a moron: 1) because God and St. Anthony had your back and will help you find a piece of paper on a curbside (even if they are not always so obliging on helping you find some of the little things like a husband...) and 2) because there's finally something to blog about!


  1. So the real question is whether you were actually called as a juror, because it would only be fitting after all that work, that you wouldn't have to report. :)

  2. This all sounds so familiar to my pregnancy riddled brain. Thank God for Himself and St. Anthony! Glad you found your paper. Was actually looking forward to some helpful tips about storing legal documents (wills, trust documents, mortgage papers, medical power or attorneys) and thought, "36 steps, huh? Well, they are legal documents, so I guess it would take 36 steps to store them properly."

  3. What a horrendous time!! I hate losing things and panic all too easily!! Glad you found it! Yay to St. Anthony!!!
    And hopefully no jury time. :)

  4. Thanks for taking the time to write out your ordeal - I can see myself doing something similar (and it is fitting that after all of that... you didn't need to go in after all). I'm glad it had a good ending and thanks for the smile :)