We talked about some stuff this weekend that left me wishing I could say more to you. Maybe I already said it, sort of. I tried to. But here it is, all of what I really wanted to say.
Thank you for taking the time to share with me what you believe and why. That is such a deeply personal thing, and it means a lot to me that you would be willing to share it. You certainly know that I'm one of those religious types, so that can make it a little tougher to talk about why you are agnostic.
You have such a great love for life that I have always enjoyed being around you, but now I respect you even more. Growing up in a religious family, you have found a way to embrace the good of that upbringing, even when you found that what they taught didn't make sense to you. I can also see why any hypocrisy that you see would make an especially big mark on you. You are so guileless that you can't even play a practical joke on someone. You are the epitome of "what you see is what you get." That is a beautiful thing that not many people can manage, and therefore hypocrisy is the antithesis of the essence of who you are and what you stand for. I do not claim to know everything about you, but I will say that your decision to leave the faith of your family and the reasons why are consistent with everything I know about you.
I know you feel that there is no way to know, in this life, whether or not there is a God. I know that you are committed to being the best person that you know how to be because that is who and what you are. If, at the end of your life, you find there is a God, you feel that you will end up where you end up. You know what I think? I see your delight in beauty and goodness. I think that if you come face to face with the One whose essence is beauty and goodness, you will be completely overcome. Maybe it's wrong, but I'm not particularly worried about your soul and where you will end up. Because I when I see you living your life in the way you know best, it points me to God. In many ways, I see you in heaven before me.
That doesn't mean that I don't pray for you. It doesn't mean that I don't wish for you to know Him here and now, before you see Him face to face. He is my Beloved, and I know that He delights in your delight of the world around you. I know that He delights in your transparency, and your joy in the people in your life. He delights in you. I know I give you a hard time about saying that everything is your favorite (when we are climbing, climbing is your favorite; when we are backpacking, backpacking is your favorite; when you put on a fresh cotton shirt, cotton is your favorite; when you are drinking water, water is your favorite), but I love that it's all your favorite. And it really is; I know that you're not just saying that thoughtlessly. I love that you live each moment so fully that that moment truly is your favorite. I may tell you that you're pathologically happy, but it's a disease I hope we all catch. My point being, I hope someday that you realize how much you are His favorite, and that He is more excited about you than you are about each sunrise, sunset, beautiful mountain and fun activity (and we both know how excited you get, so that's saying a lot!)
Anyway, thanks for sharing a piece of yourself and thanks for being you! You really are an amazing person!