Saturday, May 12, 2012

Mother's Day

What a strange day, this Mother's Day.  I'd tell you how I was feeling about it, but that would require me knowing how I feel right now.

For myself, I would rather avoid the subject altogether.  Most of my friends are celebrating this holiday as mothers. Most of them are younger than me. Several of them that are my age have 4 and 5 kids.  Sometimes people seem to think that since I'm single, I only miss having a husband.  But my arms are empty, too.  I love kids, and though I have a doctorate in a career I love, I'd give it up in a heartbeat if I could (though to be completely honest, my true ideal would be to work less than 10 hours a week, but have a little time to keep practicing). Going to Mass alone each week is not my favorite, but this day sitting alone in a pew for the Mother's Day blessing.  Yeah. If Mass were not a requirement.... Oh, well. I can and will avoid facebook!

As for those that I have "met" in the IF world, there's a great mixture of feelings there as well. There are so many that are getting to experience their first Mother's Day as mothers with children in their arms, and others get to celebrate it with new life in their wombs or new hope for adoption.  And there are others that are still slogging on the seemingly never ending IF emotional roller coaster, wondering when- or if- their turn will ever come. I am so glad that they have their husband with them on the journey, but I do not envy the up and down of hoping each month that this will be the month. Some will be in the midst of hope while waiting, some will be right around CD1, etc.

And I am very thankful for a mother who is about all you could want in a mother.  Our personalities clash a bit on how we deal with things, so I do not always appreciate her like I should, but that has more to do with me being an ungrateful daughter rather than her. She is a born caregiver and wants to take care of everyone that she can.  She loves all of us kids, and I don't think that any of us has ever doubted her desire to do anything she can for any of us. She brought us up knowing our faith and why we believe as we do, which is a rare, rare gift. I also know that she prays for all of us constantly.

This is where I am. In the middle of my own frustration, joyful and sorrowful with friends, and so very, very thankful. I guess there is nothing to do but take all the emotions, the good with the bad. For my mother, my prayer today is for you and for your intentions today. For all my friends who are such wonderful mothers, I thank God for you on behalf of your beautiful children. For all still waiting, whether because of singleness, IF or any other reason, I pray that your wait will also bear fruit, that it will end in time and the way that is according to His will (and that it will be soon!). And I leave you with this, because I think I need it today, too.


5 comments:

  1. I try, on this day, to honor the many women who mother me in a variety of ways. An example, the older, never married woman who sponsored me when I came into the church - she may not have bio kids, but all of us spiritual children sure are grateful for her care and efforts at "raising" us right. There's the woman at work who is always checking in on me to make sure I am doing alright, physically, emotionally and mentally. I probably wouldn't work there if it wasnt for her support. You have such beautiful insights at moments I really need to hear them, and you encourage me in ways you can't imagine.

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  2. We all still need hope today. Thanks for sharing your thoughts and struggles. Praying for you, M.

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  3. You have such a beautiful soul. I can't wait to see your story unfold and those empty arms filled...however and with whatever He sees fit.

    (Hug)

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  4. I thought of you and prayed for you yesterday. I wish there could be an "ignore" button on the holidays you could avoid. That is SO needed sometimes!

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  5. I like the idea of an ignore button, since really no one has bad intentions on mothers day but thats too often the unintended consequence for single/if/people who's mothers died (my grandma died on mothers day two years ago). You're strong to wish all those happy mothers day anyway. Our church didn't even do a mothers blessing, so I wish everyone on the blogs could have been there for that service!!

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