Monday, April 30, 2012

My kitchen window has about twenty moths that have managed to figure out how to get into the screen, but are apparently not so adept about getting out.  I'd take a picture, but it really grosses me out.  They're either going to have to get smarter or die there.  I'm thinking they're not going to make it.  They really don't seem that bright.

I feel bad for them, though. They're stuck in the middle.  They can't get into the house or back in the yard.  I really hate stuck.  I hate when I'm stuck and I hate when my friends are stuck.

I feel like those moths. Like I'm beating my limited brains out in the narrow confines of where I'm stuck and it's all futile anyway.

You know what's getting me right now? It's today.  I often feel like I can handle today, but I'm not sure that I can handle the next day or the day after that.  I don't even care about the future, it's today that I can't handle.  It's another night of frozen dinner by myself.  It's yet another awkward dating situation. It's the silence.  It's no one to talk to at the end of the day.  It's first communion week when many parents my age are celebrating the first communion of their children. It's spending a couple of weeks dreading Mother's Day.  It's having completely amazing fun things going on, and not being able to share them with that special someone.  It's a family celebration for all kinds of anniversaries and no anniversary of my own. It's feeling a call and having no way to answer.

It's not that I don't have hope for what the future will be.  It's that sometimes I'm not sure if I'll make it until the future gets here.

Okay, really I'm not all that depressed in general right now, I'm just having a moment.  I think it will pass fairly quickly.  It's too nice outside and there's too much hiking and climbing to do for it to last terribly long. I'm going to go to bed now.  I have a date with sunrise tomorrow, and it's a whole new day.


  1. I don't like stuck either. Here's praying for a beautiful, hopeful sunrise tomorrow!

  2. Dates with the sunrise are the best!

    I had a similar conversation with my mom yesterday morning and my perspective was, "If I'm this single and nothing is changing, why not go for my doctorate? Yet, in doing so, I know I'll be making myself so busy that I'll never marry." My mom responds, "Get your nose out of the sand, Katie. You're going to marry." Ha. I don't really think she gets it. She married at 21.

    But sometimes it's easier for us to believe things for other people than it is to believe it for ourselves. I know in a few short years, I'll be reading about your fantastic wedding. I can see it happening, so today, I'll believe it for you. :)

    My email is sunflowerdiaries [at] gmail [dot] com. I tried to email you, but it was returned. Hopefully that gets me in. :)

  3. You always have such great analogies!

    Your post makes me think of Matthew 6:34 (really 6:25-34 is all good). All you need to do is handle one day at a time. God has the other days in the future taken care of (easier said than done, I know).

  4. It's so hard to "wait" for tomorrow. But I'm glad you are enjoying things anyway.

  5. P.S. Reading my list of prayer intentions last night ... I've been praying for you for a lot of things, but I just noticed last night that I've been praying for HOPE for you too ... and then you find the word Hope in the water.