It was one of those weekends. Nothing happened. Therein lies the problem.
Every day that passes, I am absolutely sure that I cannot last one more day without something changing. I don't know what, but I as I've complained off and on the last several months, my life has never felt more devoid of meaning or purpose than in this last year. No matter what, I can't quite seem to connect with God. I draw a complete blank on ways to get out more or be more involved or something. Anything.
So my prayer goes something like this, "Okay, God. So I'm here, stuck in this state in life. What do You want me to do?" ("Do" is two syllables and very high-pitched. Just so you have a proper feel for the whine that goes with this prayer.)
Because, of course, the assumption is that if I am still single, there must be something that I should be doing. Some way that I should be making the most of being single. Something that would help me to meet someone. Perhaps some way that I should be serving. Some prayers I should be saying. Something that I should do to change myself and/or the world. Something that would give me meaning and purpose, or something to help unstick myself from this stuck place. Maybe something that would move me forward in my relationship with God. Something. Anything. I just haven't had a clue what it should be. Which means that I fail both at getting married, and at being single. Sweet. I rock.
Anyway, I think I got an answer to that prayer. I'm always a little scared to say that, because there are so many people that say that and then make some outrageous claim that no otherwise sane person would make unless they were cloaking it as some sort of a "word from God." But this passed the crazy test. It didn't require me to do anything that went against my religion or common sense. It was the kind of answer that you get in the stillness and in the quiet. It was also the kind of answer that I certainly didn't want.
For. Real?! That's Your answer? Don't You know how much I hate waiting? (Oh, yeah, You probably do.) Well, how long are we talking here? And remember that I hate waiting? And that I've been waiting forever already? Really? Wait? Do I have to?
As you can see, I have the most gracious response to answers such as these. However, immediately after my little panic attack/frustrated whining and crying, there was a weight that lifted. The last thing that I wanted to hear was something that brought peace. I don't have to frantically search for the answer to my current situation and figure out what I've been doing wrong, or what I haven't been doing that I should be doing. All I have to do is wait. I guess that's doable. (But I still really want to know how long we're talking...)