My blogging lately has seemed to follow a very distinct pattern.
Rinse and repeat.
Nothing in life feels quite right, and consequently nothing I write seems quite right. I schedule something to publish, but then I go back and delete it before publishes.
I miss that feeling where things just feel right. The feeling of being where you should be, doing what you should do. I miss the feeling of having a place in the world that's meaningful. It doesn't mean that things are easy. Two years ago, I definitely had the feeling of being where I should be. It was a hard year in a lot of ways, but I had a purpose.
Now? Not so much.
I don't know how to fix it and make things "right" again. In thinking about where I live and where I work, those seem to be good. I try to go to Mass, try to make it to confession. That doesn't seem to make much of a difference. My efforts to get involved with various things have not all worked out the best, but I have tried.
The only way I can think to describe it is that it's a little like this bug that I caught this last week. One day I felt pretty bad, but now I just feel a little "off". I don't feel dizzy, exactly, but I also won't be climbing up on any chairs right at the moment. I don't feel bad, exactly, but then neither do I feel good. That is the state of my life for the last 10 months. I can only hope it will change sooner rather than later.