I am sorry if I offended anyone with my bitterness the other week. The stinky thing about being bitter is that it's hard to look outside yourself. As I reread my post, it reminded me that someone told me that I had all of the subtlety of a bulldozer. So true. I knew it was the kind of post that could (and did) cost me readers, but I made the decision to post it anyway. The reason that I did is because when other people are honest about the warts and all, it really helps to know that I am not alone when I struggle with some of these things.
My only regret is that there was a comment made about the post mocking those that have hope. I deeply regret that I came off that way. I certainly didn't mean to mock those with hope. I only meant to be honest about where I was at that moment. I was having very real issues with hope and faith, and did not mean to demean anyone who is beautifully holding onto theirs in their own struggles. In fact, them holding on is such an example and a light to me that I hate that I was a dimmer switch to them!
I thought about taking the post down. Partly from pride. I don't particularly like coming off so ugly. But in the end I left it up. It was where I was at that moment, and writing it was hard but also cathartic. Perhaps blogland is not the best place for such things, but I was feeling a little low on options, and I needed to get it out. Not only that, but I hope that it can help me remember sometimes. I have wondered why and how people could get to the point of losing their faith. I no longer wonder that, and I hope it will help me to be more compassionate in the long run (you know, once I get over myself).
Therefore, to those that hope, that are in a much better place about God's plan and God's timing, thank you for your example as you continue to hold on. For anyone who felt that I was taking a jab outward, I'm so sorry! Please realize that the post was completely selfish and about me, not about anyone else.