Thursday, July 7, 2011


I am sorry if I offended anyone with my bitterness the other week.  The stinky thing about being bitter is that it's hard to look outside yourself.  As I reread my post, it reminded me that someone told me that I had all of the subtlety of a bulldozer.  So true.  I knew it was the kind of post that could (and did) cost me readers, but I made the decision to post it anyway.  The reason that I did is because when other people are honest about the warts and all, it really helps to know that I am not alone when I struggle with some of these things.

My only regret is that there was a comment made about the post mocking those that have hope.  I deeply regret that I came off that way.  I certainly didn't mean to mock those with hope.  I only meant to be honest about where I was at that moment. I was having very real issues with hope and faith, and did not mean to demean anyone who is beautifully holding onto theirs in their own struggles.  In fact, them holding on is such an example and a light to me that I hate that I was a dimmer switch to them!

I thought about taking the post down.  Partly from pride.  I don't particularly like coming off so ugly.  But in the end I left it up.  It was where I was at that moment, and writing it was hard but also cathartic. Perhaps blogland is not the best place for such things, but I was feeling a little low on options, and I needed to get it out.  Not only that, but I hope that it can help me remember sometimes.  I have wondered why and how people could get to the point of losing their faith.  I no longer wonder that, and I hope it will help me to be more compassionate in the long run (you know, once I get over myself).

Therefore, to those that hope, that are in a much better place about God's plan and God's timing, thank you for your example as you continue to hold on.  For anyone who felt that I was taking a jab outward, I'm so sorry!  Please realize that the post was completely selfish and about me, not about anyone else.


  1. Wow. You are one self aware, empathetic gal. I'm glad you kept the post up. We are all in different places spiritually. I'm reading The Jesuit Guide to (Almost) Anything by James Martin and he describes six different paths to God. They are: belief, independence, confusion, disbelief, return and exploration. Father Martin tells us that we may be on different paths during our lives. The Ignatian way meets you on the path your on and draws you toward God. This simple explanation helped me understand others, accept where they are and trust that God will draw them close. But, as with anything, you have to start with honesty. And, that is what you did in these posts.

  2. I always find, while I wish my bloggy-friends didn't feel the way I do, that it's nice to know others struggle too.

    I appreciate honesty over false 'everything-is-wonderful' always!


  3. Just think Dr. Seuss: "Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind!"

    If it helps, I didn't think you came off as a dimmer switch. I appreciate your honesty, too!!

  4. I love your honesty, and people who are here to support you don't mind seeing you on good days or bad days. I post a lot of heavy posts, a lot of questions and doubts, and sometimes I wonder if it might be too much for some people. But really, that is up to them. They know themselves, and if it is to much I trust that they will know when to stop reading.

  5. Love you always...glad you are transparent on your blog. Everyone loses hope sometimes. But, if you didn't talk about it your friends wouldn't be able to remind you that God is faithful and help you get back to a place where you can find that hope again. You have always encouraged me...all of the time...good, bad, and ugly. So I hope you know you're not getting rid of me :)

  6. I agree with all of the above comments! You have such a beautiful heart! I wish you knew how much we love reading it all. :)

  7. i read the title and the first line and was like, huh? I think you're smart to recognize your feelings as changing but that doesn't take away from what was, so i'm happy you didn't delete it. i've found words have less power when i say them are a strong woman and my words are escaping me for the moment but when you 'complain' (used loosely) you do so in a way that tells your story, so i don't think you have something to fear. i'm sure that post and subsequent ones have helped someone see that there are others dealing with similar struggles...