Lots of questions, but not many answers. Until one day it came down to one question:
Where does this leave our relationship?
Now that is one question that I could answer, and didn't really have to contemplate long.
He is my Beloved, and I am His.
The thinking ran something like this: Even if He has left me, I can't live without Him. Even if I were suddenly to get everything I ever wanted, the husband, the children, the home, the purpose in life, it would all be meaningless without Him. Somehow, in a way that I cannot begin to explain, it is still better to be in this strange limbo life with Him doing who knows what, than without Him.
Those are my thoughts. In reality, they are proof that though He continues to feel far away, He has never left. I could never come to such a decision (and certainly not so easily) if He had really left.
As far as the thought that He gives us more than we can handle? He does. He really, really does give us more than we can handle. Don't kid yourself, He will break you. But He will also heal you. In some ways, it feels that He has yet to answer my prayers. In others, I can see that He has answered, but I am only now beginning to be able to see it.