I'm not into any predictions or resolutions for the New Year. Not this time. I like resolutions and usually like to have one or two to focus on. If anything, maybe there should be one on positive thinking... Anyway, there are certainly things that I did not enjoy about 2010 (and I would love to not have to deal with those things this year), but there were a lot of good things as well.
Here's one thing that I've been thinking about a lot in the last few days. I wish that I could get started on some amazing volunteer project or something so that I could have more purpose in my life. I wish that I could get fired up to read some amazing book or start some new devotional or read the Bible more so that I could get my spiritual life going more. You know what just occurred to me? It should have been obvious, but I guess I was searching for something that I could have control of, since I can't have control of the one thing that is most important to me right now. I want to find a way to make my own life better.
Don't get me wrong, those are and can be amazing goals, but they were and are beyond my grasp for the time being. Maybe it's the same thing with the resolutions. I want to take control, but it is beyond my feeble powers at the moment.
I realized that all I have to do right now is what I can do. I can go to Mass and I can pray Morning and Evening prayer. I can go to work and try to do my best. That's it. I don't feel that I have much to bring to these prayers, but all I feel that I'm asked to do right now is to show up. That I can do. I get to leave the rest to Him.
The last 3 years have been something else. 2008 was ridiculous. I hate thinking about 2008. On the other hand, that led to some amazing healing in January of 2009. Why does breaking have to come before healing? 2009 certainly had it's tough times, but wasn't as bad. Not only that, but I felt that I had a very specific purpose that year. It was small, but I felt that I was where I needed to be, doing what I needed to do.
2010 has also had its really tough moments. I have probably 50 drafts of things that I won't publish (which are more or less the same things as I do publish; I had to write them out to let them out, even if they were too numerous to publish). But I realized the other day that those are not going to be the only things that I remember about 2010. I was looking through a book that I had made on my computer (I'm going to try to order it if the order form stops its goofiness). Those pictures of all that hiking, that's the other thing that I'll remember. Because for me, living out here has been a constant communication with Him. His language is beauty, and mine is appreciation. Words are not needed.
Here's looking forward to 2011, whatever it has to offer.
(This slideshow is some of what I will be remembering about 2010. I hike a lot and take a lot of pictures of mountains and more mountains- and you've already had to sit through most of them, so no need to feel that you have to watch it. It is as much for me to remember as anything else, and I wanted to share for anyone who did want to see.)
P.S. I cheated. The last 4 or 5 are from today, so not technically 2010.