I try not to write too often about being single. Sometimes, if I have to sort through some things, I'll write about it, but not post it. There are a couple of reasons for that. For one thing, I try not to focus on it all the time (though sometimes this blog is rather navel-gazing in that regard). For another, it's really hard to express how it feels. Further, there are very few people in my life that relate to this right now. Not so say that there aren't other people suffering other things, but I know very few single people right now.
One person does know what I am going through right now, and that would be my sister. We had a great discussion last night by phone and it was so wonderful to discuss it with someone else that "got it". She is hands down called to be a wife and mother. Like me, she has just moved and started a new job. She shares the same mother and grandmother, so she knows what those comments are like. And she knows what the Ache feels like, she knows what it is like to come home to an empty house and everything else. She knows what it is like when well-intentioned, loving people try to make it feel better but unfortunately only make it worse, and she also knows how to make me laugh.
The following analogy is all her. If it amuses you, glad I could help and share it. If you don't like any hint of grossness, 1) don't read anymore; and 2) it's all her fault.
It's like when you're sick. Sometimes you really feel nauseated, like you might throw up, but if you lie down, or watch TV to distract yourself or eat a soda cracker, it might feel a little better. Other times you REALLY feel nauseated and the ONLY thing that's going to help is to puke and get it over with.
Thanks, dear sister, for that lovely image! (And yet, if I'm not literally nauseated, the whole thing is quite funny to me. One of the strange side effects of being a former nurse aide, I guess.)
Anyone that's struggled with things like this knows it comes and goes. Singleness, subfertility, and many other things. Some days, other people can really help by saying, "oh, this worked for me" and so forth. But when it's REALLY bad, I don't care how nauseated you've been in the past, it doesn't help to stand over me eating your donut telling me that I really will feel better eventually and be able to eat donuts with you. All you will do is make me that much worse in that moment! :)
The whole idea made me laugh, but it also helped me to understand a little better. There have been times recently where someone else has been the one hunched over the toilet, and I want them to feel better, but sometimes the words just don't seem right. Then I know that my words are just donuts and all they need to know instead is that I'm close by if they need me or if I can get anything for them, but sometimes they just need space.
And that is the end of my story. (Unfortunately, you have no one but me to blame for the donut embellishment.)
Serious note: THANKS to all the people that have been encouraging to me in the past. I truly do hear your love in what you're saying, and I hope you won't be too offended if I'm not always in a place to completely appreciate it.