Tuesday, August 10, 2010

What I'm Looking For

In a man, you see. I was just asked this today. What is it that I'm looking for in a man. I thought that seemed like a valid question that deserved an answer. So I thought about it, and the answer is....

Heck if I know.

Certainly there are things that have to be in place. He'd better treat me respectfully. God better be more than a concept in his life. He's going to have to be okay with me being Catholic.

Beyond that, I have no idea.

I've gone on a couple of dates recently with a guy who meets all of the above characteristics plus some. He's really a quality guy. And I'm not attracted to him at all.

It's not right, I tell you. Guys seem to be rather few and far between in my world. If I find a quality guy, it seems somehow wrong to say that I'm not interested. I don't even really know why I'm not interested, but I'm not. Of course, when I bring this up to my sister, somehow trying to logic myself into liking him better, her response was, "I can see it now. Your wedding day, and someone asks why you're marrying him. You answer, 'Well, he loves me, he's a good guy, and I can tolerate him well enough.'"

Okay, fine. That's a rather extreme example, but clearly merely the fact that he's a nice guy isn't going to cut it. I've tried to give it some time, but he's starting to get some feelings, and I'm stuck on zero feelings, so I don't want to lead him on.

Which leads me right back to what is it, exactly, that I'm looking for.




Yep. Still clueless.


  1. I understand what you are going through. There was a guy in college I had a huge crush on. He is an outstanding Catholic, nice, very respectble, handsome- you name it. Through some mutual friends he finally asked me out on a date and after a couple dates we became "official." I was so excited because I was pretty certain I had found "The One." However, when we went to a couple of weddings over the summer all of a sudden I felt no attraction. I felt God calling me that I wasn't supposed to date him and I was upset because I thought he was perfect. It was very difficult to break things off- but a few weeks later he informed me he had a strong calling to enter the priesthood. WOW! Things eventually work out in the end!

  2. I was completely unatracted to my husband when I first met him. In fact I wrote in my journal one month before he asked me to date him that "if he ever asked I would definetly say no." We were engaged 2 weeks after we started dating. So I must have changed my mind somewhere in those 6 weeks! (I really need to write that story on my blog sometime.)

  3. It's so hard to be with the 'right' guy and have no attraction to him :( I've been through that more than a few times, and it's hard to make people understand.

    Hold out. Even if it turns out to be THIS guy you're holding out for. Because you may turn around one day and be suddenly gaga for him :)

  4. If you have no interest in the guy, no problem going on a few dates but no need to pursue without interest! I think not being too picky about many things is a good thing - it means you'll be open to the right guy when he comes along. And besides... not having that guy in your life right now is okay... there's a lot of benefits in singlehood as long as it's not ruined by desperate loneliness!

  5. In the book, The Jane Austen Book Club, members are discussing whether it's better to marry someone who's lucky to get you, or whom you are lucky to be with. So, the 20-something characther asks the older women in the group, "Why can't I find BOTH someone who wants to be with me and someone who I want to be with..." The older ladies in the group laugh at the notion...

    I feel like that 20-something gal. I just won't settle.

    In my (and many of my single friends lives) we always say that you've got a 5:1 ratio. Five dud dates for every good one...sounds like #5 is getting close...even if it's with somebody different!! ;-)

  6. You guys are great! It's nice to hear from a spectrum of different experiences; somehow it makes me feel not so crazy. :)