How can I try to explain how I'm feeling? It's one of those intense emotional kind of things that causes physical pain. That's not fun. I want to pray or offer it up, but barely feel like I can right now. At the same time, I feel kind of exultant. I don't fully understand it, but I know that God has heard the cry of my heart, and I know He cares. Those words are so inadequate, I feel like I should erase them because they don't do justice to any kind of an explanation.
First of all, don't get me wrong. I'm starting to love it here. How could it be otherwise? I was tired of driving all over the place. Now work, the grocery store, the bank, a church, and entertainment are all within less than a ten minute drive. My job itself is challenging, but I think it's really going to help me grow as a physical therapist, and everyone there is extremely welcoming and friendly. I still can't believe that I not only got a job out here, but it's kind of a dream job. It has features I didn't know I would like, or even thought existed. But I love it. Oh, yeah. And starting next week, I have my 4 day work week. I didn't even have to ask! I already have a couple of friends in the area. One of them is really close, and it's been so great to see her and be able to hang out so easily. And, of course, the mountains. Have I mentioned that I love the mountains?
All of this to say that I still think that this is exactly where I should be right now. I don't regret any of it. But even while I am coming to enjoy more and more of this place, I still miss home. I miss my friends more than I can say. I want to call, but I haven't been able to in the last couple of days. I have lame excuses of other errands or whatnot that I am running at the time, but that's not it. I think it's more because I don't really have anything to say. And ultimately, I would rather not be calling them at all anyway. What I really, really want is to hang out with them. Even if we're not doing anything. Even if we are just watching the kids be amazing and funny. It just feels too far away to know that that can't happen easily. And that makes me feel like there is a part of me that is missing, so how will I ever be able to fully settle here?
So I get through it by avoidance.* Thank you, Netflix! I am totally hooked on Prison Break right now, and I can watch it online without having to wait for it to be mailed to me. It has me on the edge of my seat, even though I know what's going to happen in the long run. There are certainly themes that I hate (it is about prisoners and they are not moral people). But it's well-written, and I really like a lot of the characters. The thing that I like the most? The brothers that have each other's back no matter what. Maybe it's just because I'm feeling kind of alone out here, but that, more than anything else, has sucked me into this show.
So in summary:
-Love it out here.
-Miss friends and family more than I can say.
-Singleness stinks, especially when you've just moved.
-God's got my back.
*I'm rather good at that particular coping strategy. Maybe too good. When does that become a problem? Just wondering. :)