Flashing Neon Signs

About a month ago, all of the frustrations of the past year suddenly hit a boiling point and I couldn't take it anymore. I felt like nothing in my life was moving forward (i.e., still single and no prospects in the land of older people where I live), and all of the great things about my life were in fact moving backward. For example, I have an amazing job that I love. However, after 4 years of building various contacts in the county where I currently live, they want to transfer me to an entirely different clinic. I've worked at that other clinic for a short period and didn't really enjoy it. Not to mention that it was even more isolated and an even older population than I currently was working with.

I have been involved with a fantastic church, but I have not been able to find quite as many things to do there recently either. I went from being involved in 4 or 5 different things to 2 things, to 1 thing, and even that one was almost over. Not only that, but the move for my job wasn't really allowing me to look for new things to get involved in. Also, my parish consists of primarily older people.

Then there's my friends. The most wonderful friends on the face of the planet. Who are suddenly all married with responsibilities so they can't hang out as often anymore. Not to mention the fact that many of them are moving either now or in a few years.

So I was frustrated, and wondered what I was doing with my life. I was in the middle of a blog post chronicling my woes (because I'm a whiner like that), when I suddenly realized that all of the things that had been holding me here were no longer holding me. I was frustrated because my life was directionless, but then I realized that my frustration might all be pointing me in a very specific direction: west.

Suddenly, there was a breath of fresh air, and a hope of possibility. I wanted to be sure that I wasn't merely being impulsive, so I started praying that God would show me His will. I acknowledged that He didn't always send written instructions, but let Him know that subtle hints, like flashing neon signs, would always be appreciated.

Here're some of the things that have happened in the last month. First are the questions and concerns that I'd had, and then what's happened as the month went on:

1) I would need a job. Many are not ideal to the way I like to practice, and many out west pay less than I currently make, even though there's a higher cost of living.

One of the most recently posted jobs on the website was the perfect fit for me. It was posted only two days before I started to look.

2) Should I move to where I don't know anyone? I mean, I had a friend out there, but she would be moving within about 6 months.

Turns out that my friend is not moving for 1-2 years. There's a great Catholic community in the area, and she's got the hook ups to help me meet people. Not only that, but one of my friends that's moving away from here is moving to only about an hour away from there! She was originally going to move to Illinois or Texas.

3) There is a job opening in my current company in my current county. Should I just stay here and take that?

They offered it to someone else without even asking if I was interested.

4) What about places to live? I prayed that if God wanted me out there, that He would prepare a place for me.

My friend that lives out there, without telling me, took it upon herself to look around to find some of the safest neighborhoods and best places to live. She even set up an appointment for a tour at one apartment. She did this the same day or the next day after I prayed that prayer.

I interviewed and toured the apartment. The apartment gave me a little cheaper price than expected (though still a sticker shock to my poor little midwestern soul), and the job offered me more than what I expected or hoped for.

All of this, however, was not the biggest deciding factor for me. The biggest and most important part was the peace in the stillness of my heart. On the outside, my emotions have been a crazy roller coaster. I've been really high and really low about all of this, but deep underneath the waves of emotion is peace, and a feeling of... rightness? Is that a word? That's just how it feels. Right.

~~~

P.S. It just so "happened" that it was my month for Adoration for Parish Council. Which means that I had two hours of Adoration each week in April instead of one. I volunteered for that long before I had any idea what kinds of decisions that I would be trying to make that month. Crazy, isn't it, how God plans for each one of our needs before we even know what we'll need?