I do not understand. Sometimes I think I do, but then I realize I still don't. What is the deal with prayer? You want us to pray. Sometimes prayer makes complete sense, but other times I just don't get it. Pray for healing, pray for job situations, pray for this that and the other. Sometimes You answer our prayers with stunning swiftness. Other times You answer them so softly and unexpectedly that we barely recognize that they've been answered. Sometimes we ask for one thing, and You send the other. Then there are the times we pray until our knees are worn out and the separation between heaven and earth seems impenetrable. Neither yes nor no coming back to us from above. Just... nothing.
I love You and I know that You love me more than I can imagine. I know Your answers and non-answers are always the best for me. But then, why do I pray? If You're going to do whatever You know is best anyway, then what is my part in this?
And there's another thing. How do I pray with faith and surrender at the same time? There are several things on my heart right now, the very ache of which is my prayer to You. I love to bring those to Your feet, but I'm confused. I lay them down, believing that I should lift up my complete faith in Your ability to answer them. Then again, I also believe that I should work on surrender to You; complete trust in Your love to answer "yes" or "no" according to what is best for me. But when does "faith" become an excuse to push for what I want and not what You want? And when does "surrender" become an excuse for complete lack of faith that You will answer according to Your ability and love?
Nonetheless, You know the prayers on my heart today for my deepest desires. You know the prayers that I have for my family, my friends, colleagues, and so many others. I do not understand, but I lift them up to You anyway. I do not understand Your ways, but I know that Your hands are the best place for all of these. Take them. Amen.