Thursday, November 5, 2009

Mass

Yesterday, I left work with a ton of paperwork left to do still.  It wouldn't have mattered, I was too fried to think anyway; it would have been a disaster if I tried to do any of it.  Besides, by leaving when I did I got to go to Mass.

Oh. Baby.

The particular church that I went to is a pretty, older church.  It's one of those where you can small the sacredness.  Others might describe the scent as a mixture of lingering incense and with a touch of mustiness, but to me it just smells holy.  I love that smell.  I love how the incense has soaked into the walls, leaving traces of the prayers of those that have gone before us.  I love that I am enveloped in the ongoing worship of the Church.  I love the way that the sights, the smells, and the quietness of the church immediately take me away from my current craziness into a new place.  A holy place.  A place that all of my other nonsense can be set aside for a half an hour for worship of and communion with my God.

I love that in the moments before Mass, our fellowship is not one of talking to each other, but of private prayer.  Of course, each of these prayers is our own, but we are not alone in our time of prayer.  Does that make any sense?

Then there is the Mass itself. I love hearing the Scripture, the familiar prayers of the Mass.  All leading up to that one moment.  The moment that time and eternity meet.  The moment of consecration.

I wish I could tell you that I was able to participate in Mass in such a way that I soaked up every moment.  The truth is, I was still easily distracted, and I couldn't tell you exactly what the Scriptures were yesterday if my life depended on it.  Also, when I was done with Mass, I was still stressed, I still came home and avoided dishes and laundry, and whined on my blog instead. I was still so tired that I didn't even make myself dessert (which would have taken 30 seconds) and contemplated sleeping on the couch because it seemed like a lot of work to go to bed.  Primarily because I can't get into bed without brushing my teeth.  The tooth brushing was more the sticking point than the 20 feet to my bed.  

You know, that's one of the other things that I love about Mass.  Even though I can leave Mass and immediately fall into whining, even though I can be in the midst of heaven on earth in the Mass and still be distracted by the least thing, God is there.  He is still offering Himself to me in the Mass and He will be offering the same love, grace and forgiveness at the next Mass that I get to go to, no matter that He knows that I will fall short that time as well.

Mass. Is. Amazing.


5 comments:

  1. I think what makes me love your posts so much is your in-your-face honesty. No holier-than-thou-everything's-roses from you. It helps to know I'm not the only one who thinks or feels or reacts to things the way I do...or struggles with the same things I do. You seem to have a much better handle on it over all than I do. I know you'd most likely fight me on that but it's just my observation. I think you and I would be great friends if we lived near each other. My thoughts and prayers are with you often for your dreams and deepest desires to come true. I have been where you are in the "loneliness" area for a husband and family of your own and I know it hurts in a deep way. I remember crying and pleading with God about it and feeling that empty ache. Much love your way from me and you have a prayer warrior in your corner.

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  2. I love your perspective. Thank you for sharing it!

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  3. And I love your passion!

    I'm going through RCIA right now, and have only been to mass a handful of times. I hope I come to appreciate its richness and beauty like you have.

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  4. i had a moment like this in mass last week. there are some days i sit down after craziness before and i'm just like ::sigh:: a wave of peace. i love the feeling. an oasis in all the chaos.

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  5. Mass IS amazing. In a nutshell. A big, cosmic nutshell. I love this post! :)

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