I've told you a little about how God has been teaching me to have more faith and to kick the fear to the curb. Silly me, I do remember very specifically praying that I would learn to trust Him and His plan for me at least to some degree before I met someone. Things to remember before I pray a prayer like that again:
1) God tends to answer those.
2) Usually the process involves many, many opportunities to practice.
3) Those opportunities are usually much more frequent and much more difficult that I ever really wanted to deal with.
4) I also get to learn a LOT of humility because I fail most of those opportunities. Over and over.
5) Before it's finished, I'll wish I would have specified an amount of faith (or patience or humility or whatever) so that I could stop now.
6) It's never finished. Not this side of heaven, anyway.
Hmm, seems like there's something else...
7) I hate to admit it, but it's typically highly worth it; though sometimes I wish I could just take a pill instead.
When I write a post about all the great things God's been showing me about having faith, about 2.62 seconds after I hit publish I usually find a way to cannonball into a pool of fear. So I haven't written one in a while.
After the last post, I was talking to my friend that had just gotten married. She had returned from her honeymoon and was out shopping for two for the first time. Mostly we had a nice chat, but at one point I let Fear and his buddy Bitter come out to play. I think I might have said something about "if I ever get married" with a lovely little "pity me" emphasis on the "if". She blithely responded with "Oh, it'll happen someday."
Ooh. Bitter came bounding around the corner then, making a flying leap to respond: "You don't know that!" In my head, I was fuming because she was back from her honeymoon, still glowing from all the events of the last couple of weeks, and I thought she was just dismissing me. (Seriously, if I had a dollar for every time I heard that brush off, I'd have a good $42 dollars at least, and we could all go out to dinner!)
She wasn't brushing me off. She hesitated so she could be sure that she was saying exactly what she meant: "Well, I guess I don't know that for sure, but that's the desire that God's placed in your heart, so I believe that He'll fulfill that desire."
I wish I could convey through the computer screen how completely matter of fact her words were. Maybe I can't cough up faith on command, but I have been resting in hers for the last little bit. She effectively tossed out Fear and Bitter on their ears. They didn't even dare show their scruffy little selves at the next wedding that I was at, which was awesome. It was so great to sit back and simply rejoice with my friends.
I don't have it all figured out. I'll continue to fail frequently. God has gotten me to the point that the last couple of weeks the struggle has been a lot less about fear, and a lot more about impatience. The problem is, the last thing I want to do is pray for patience!