Saturday, July 25, 2009

God, Gimme Some Patience Right Now!

I don't have a lot of patience.  I know what I want, and I'm going after it.  Unless it takes too much effort, then I might procrastinate or stop altogether.  Difficulties, meh, not interested.  Or I might sit down and fuss and cry until someone comes along to fix the problem. (Figuratively, of course.  Still immature, but at least no one should have to stage an intervention.) Or I might get distracted and go off on a tangent.  (Except on this blog.  I've never gotten tangential on this blog.)

Do you know what patience is?

pa tience |'pa SH ens|


1 the capacity to accept or tolerate delay, trouble or suffering without getting angry or upset : you can find bargains if you have the patience to sift through the dross.
2 chiefly British term for SOLITARE (sense 1).

First of all, do you know how hard it is to type phonetic spellings, even if you're copying something?  I failed, because I didn't want to bother to figure out how to do the accent marks.  Secondly, how dumb is that example sentence?  I don't know why, but I don't like the word "dross".  I never really thought about it before today, but as I was reading the sample sentence, I found myself thinking just how stupid a word it is.  (No disrespect meant to smelters everywhere.)  Also, I love reading the dictionary, because you get to learn new languages!  I had no idea that "patience" was British for "solitaire". (And by "reading the dictionary", I mean looking up words to get a better understanding.  I have never actually sat down to read the dictionary.  Sadly, my dad and my sister have. Crazy relations.)
Well, if you're still reading after that collection of tangents, let's talk about "the capacity to accept or tolerate delay, trouble or suffering without getting angry or upset".  That is the capacity that I lack.  It doesn't matter if it is the person in front of me that doesn't start rolling forward the instant the light turns green, the fact that I inevitably pick the wrong line at the store where the person with only three purchases takes 10 years/30 seconds because they decide to write a check, or if my internet takes more than a second to load.  I get annoyed.  If work tells me that I'll be able to leave early and then schedules an extra patient, I get irritated.  And if God allows me to remain single longer than I can tolerate being single, then I get flat out mad. 

It was interesting for me to realize that I did believe that God had a perfect plan for my life, and that He could work it out, whatever it is, because rather than being happy that He had answered a rather specific prayer, I was annoyed that He wasn't working out that plan fast enough (i.e. right now).  By the way, it all comes back to trust again.  Because clearly He is working out His plan for my life every single moment of my life, it's just that His plan is on a little different schedule than mine.  To be impatient is to not trust every bit of His plan, down to the minutest detail of timing.

Anyway, eventually I managed to begrudgingly ask for some patience, with a prayer something along the lines of the title of this post.  (Btw, sometimes I feel bad that I'm not very warm and winsome. I should be more gracious to my King and my God.  But then I tell God I'm just trying to be honest with Him, and besides it's all His fault, because He made me this way.)

Rude or not, He answered.  Not by changing the situation one little iota, but by changing me a little bit.  It's hard to define.  All I can tell you is that for this one moment I am willing to live my single vocation for one moment longer.  Not that I want to, but that I'm willing to.  

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