Monday, April 6, 2009


I really don't think that it is up to us to decide what marriage is.  It is only up to us to discover what it is.  Newton may have had something to do with describing gravity, but he didn't make it up.  He only described what he saw in his observations and experiments. Yeah, I know. We live in America and no one's going to tell us what we can and cannot do.  After all, we are way smarter than any of the previous generations or any other cultures in the world.  We will not be restricted by the old, traditional (read that "dumb") ways of doing things.

People. Seriously.  This is not about what we want, it's about what we need.  This is not about accommodating our wounds, this is about healing them in better ways than we can imagine.

Do you ever feel lonely?  Do you ever feel that ache in your heart, wishing that someone understood what you were going through, or at least cared? Is your heart crying out for a love that satisfies?

Marriage is not the answer to your questions, but properly understood it can help point you in the right direction.  Love, that deep love that you desire, is sacrificial.  It is willing to give up all for your sake. It is willing to deny itself pleasure, even feelings of need.  For you.  It is willing to give itself up completely to you, holding nothing back. This love is so alive that it brings new life.  It will never turn away from you.  It will never find someone better than you.  It will never become bored of you.  It will never stop being enchanted by you.

This love is the love that is for all of us.  Married.  Divorced. Celibate. Single. Homosexual. Lonely. Broken. Imperfect. Hurting.

Marriage is not the fulfillment of that love, but teaches us much about that love when it is entered into freely, both people knowing that the way before them is difficult and will require sacrifice. When each person is willing to give themselves up completely to the other holding nothing back.  When each person is committed to the other and no one else.  And when marriage is open and able to bring new life into the world.  Yes, I went there.  New life is essential to a true understanding of a love that reaches out to the other, that is sacrificial and truly seeks others instead of itself.

If marriage was the answer to the deepest desires of our hearts, then we should all be able to be married, no matter what.  It wouldn't be fair to me to be single.  It wouldn't be fair to homosexuals to be denied.  But then again, if it was the answer, there wouldn't be so many lonely and broken marriages out there either.  Following the true definition of marriage is difficult.  It will cause pain for all involved.  But as we all know: No pain, no gain.  And the gain is all we are looking for and more.

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