If we are created in the image and likeness of God, and specifically if we are created as male and female in the image and likeness of God, and if God is love, then what does that say about sex?
It says that Puritans and hedonists need to take a whole new look at the subject.
There is a tendency to think that when we are in church, the only way to talk about sex is to talk about the do's and don't's. Do when you are married and with your spouse. Everything else is bad. Why is it bad? Well, the Bible says not to do it, so don't do it. What more do you need? I have to be honest. I need a lot more than that. If I didn't have some kind of answer to the why, my life as a single person would be a lot different. I can intellectually acknowledge that what the Bible says is true and right, but that doesn't get me through lonely days and nights. More on that later. The point is, sex is much more relevant to our search for God than we would like to imagine. In religious circles, we still sometimes feel that sex is "dirty" or "base" or something.
Hedonists also have to take a new look. They are right in saying that sex is good, but they are wrong in saying that they can define sex any way they want. As long as it gives pleasure and everyone involved is consenting, it's okay. If we are created as male and female, and if that creation is a revelation of the image and likeness of God, then sex is bigger than us. We don't get to define it. On the days that diesel is cheaper than unleaded, I can't decide that I prefer to run my car on diesel. I can put diesel in the tank, but it will ruin my car. In the same way, I am physically able to try to define love and sex as whatever makes me happy and feel good, but if I try to fill up this deep desire in my heart with that, I will cause destruction to the very core of my being. Because I was not made to run on counterfeits. I was made to run on true love.
What is true love? I'm single, and in many ways, that probably leaves me with a little bit of a fairy tale definition of love. Sunshiny, happy, rainbow feelings that cannot be denied nor overcome by any of the problems of life. At least, that's how I see people trying to define love. That's how they know that it's not real love; when the feelings run out. I think that true love is grittier than that. I think that it takes those knocks and it is precisely when the feelings run out that it is the strongest.
I think that true love is free. I think that each Person of the Trinity gives their love freely and fully to each other. I think of God's true love for us is manifested in His freely choosing to come to earth for no other reason than for our salvation. I think that true love among all people is only when it is freely offered with no coercion, whether that be love among friends, relatives, spouses, whatever. And I think that sex only truly expresses love when it is given freely from each person to the other.
I think that true love is total. Can you imagine God holding anything back? He clearly didn't. He committed His only begotten Son. Jesus gave up His life for us, and no suffering was too much in His search for us. Sex is a total commitment. It means holding nothing back. It means giving your very life to another. Not just at the moment of sex, but in every moment of life. It doesn't mean until divorce, or until something better comes along. It means until death do us part. It's not just a lofty goal. It is part of the true meaning of sex, the way that sex can reveal God.
I think that true love is faithful. If true love is total, it must be faithful. You can only totally give yourself to one other person at a time. When I think of the faithful love of God, I love the images in Hosea. God presents Himself as a faithful husband, because He is. God is always faithful to His promises and love for us, even when we are not faithful in return.
And true love is fruitful. Love is life. Can you imagine any other life for the Trinity than love? God is Love, and this love is life itself. The true love of Christ on the cross ended death for us and brought life to the world. True love brings forth new life. And I would say that real sex, the kind of sex that we all really want, has to be open to life. Not just some of the time, but all of the time. It doesn't mean that it always has to bring forth physical life (like having sex during infertile times, or people that have fertility problems), but it means being open to it at all times. But don't dismiss how powerful a child is in this whole picture. Remember that our God is often more concrete than we are. As Scott Hahn likes to say, when the two become one flesh, nine months later you will need a name.
Notice that none of those earmarks of true love have anything to do with feelings. Obviously feelings are very important, but they are not what makes it true love. Rather than looking at feelings to drive true love, I think we need to have true love, even when it's difficult, drive the feelings.
I would say that sex is a very powerful sign of love. If you ignore the signs (like puritanism) you're going to have a very hard time recognizing where you're going. If you distort the signs or point them in other directions (redefining sex for our own purposes), you're going to be heading the wrong direction. And there are some dangerous places when you get off the path.
Right. So maybe I have talked about all that before. Eh, well. What are blogs for if not for blathering on about the same stuff over and over again?